One has to accept the renounced order from another person who is in renounced order. So I never thought that I shall accept this renounced order of life. In my family life, when I was in the midst of my wife and children, sometimes I was dreaming my spiritual master, that he's calling me, and I was following him.
When my dream was over, I was thinking—I was little horrified—"Oh, Guru Mahārāja wants me to become Sannyāsī. How can I accept Sannyāsa?" At that time, I was feeling not very satisfaction that I have to give up my family and have to become a mendicant. At that time, it was a horrible feeling. Sometime I was thinking, "No, I cannot take Sannyāsa." But again I saw the same dream.
(choked voice) So in this way I was fortunate. My Guru Mahārāja pulled me out from this material life. I have not lost anything. He was so kind upon me. I have gained. I left three children, I have got now three hundred children. So I am not loser. This is material conception. We think that we shall be loser by accepting Kṛṣṇa. Nobody is loser. I say from my practical experience. I was thinking that, "How can I accept this renounced order of life? I cannot accept so much trouble." So . . .
But I retired from my family life. I was sitting alone in Vṛndāvana, writing books. So this, my Godbrother, he insisted me, "Bhaktivedanta prabhu . . ." This title was given in my family life. It was offered to me by the Vaiṣṇava society. So he insisted me. Not he insisted me, practically my spiritual master insisted me through him that, "You accept."
Because without accepting the renounced order of life, nobody can become a preacher. So he wanted me to become a preacher. So he forced me through this Godbrother, "You accept." So unwillingly I accepted. And then I remembered that he wanted me to go to the Western country. So I am feeling now very much obliged to my this Godbrother, that he carried out the wish of my spiritual master and enforced me to accept this sannyāsa order.