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One should not stay in a solitary place with a woman

Expressions researched:
"Daughter" |"Mother" |"One should not sit closely with one's" |"Sister" |"alone" |"secluded place" |"solitary place" |"woman" |"women"

Notes from the compiler: VedaBase research queries: "mother, sister or daughter" or One should not stay in a solitary place with a woman

Srimad-Bhagavatam

SB Canto 3

It is said that the senses are so mad and strong that they can bewilder even the most sensible and learned man. Therefore it is advised that one should not indulge in living alone even with one's mother, sister or daughter.
SB 3.12.28, Translation and Purport:

O Vidura, we have heard that Brahmā had a daughter named Vāk who was born from his body and who attracted his mind toward sex, although she was not sexually inclined towards him.

Balavān indriya-grāmo vidvāṁsam api karṣati (SB 9.19.17). It is said that the senses are so mad and strong that they can bewilder even the most sensible and learned man. Therefore it is advised that one should not indulge in living alone even with one's mother, sister or daughter. Vidvāṁsam api karṣati means that even the most learned also become victims of the sensuous urge. Maitreya hesitated to state this anomaly on the part of Brahmā, who was sexually inclined to his own daughter, but still he mentioned it because sometimes it so happens, and the living example is Brahmā himself, although he is the primeval living being and the most learned within the whole universe. If Brahmā could be a victim of the sexual urge, then what of others, who are prone to so many mundane frailties? This extraordinary immortality on the part of Brahmā was heard to have occurred in some particular kalpa, but it could not have happened in the kalpa in which Brahmā heard directly from the Lord the four essential verses of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam because the Lord blessed Brahmā, after giving him lessons on the Bhāgavatam, that he would never be bewildered in any kalpa whatsoever. This indicates that before the hearing of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam he might have fallen a victim to such sensuality, but after hearing Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam directly from the Lord, there was no possibility of such failures.

One should, however, take serious note of this incident. The human being is a social animal, and his unrestricted mixing with the fair sex leads to downfall. Such social freedom of man and woman, especially among the younger section, is certainly a great stumbling block on the path of spiritual progress. Material bondage is due only to sexual bondage, and therefore unrestricted association of man and woman is surely a great impediment. Maitreya cited this example on the part of Brahmā just to bring to our notice this great danger.

SB Canto 4

When one sees the opposite sex, naturally the sex impulse increases. It is said that if a man in a solitary place does not become agitated upon seeing a woman, he is to be considered a brahmacārī. But this practice is almost impossible. The sex impulse is so strong that even by seeing, touching or talking, coming into contact with, or even thinking of the opposite sex—even in so many subtle ways—one becomes sexually impelled.
SB 4.25.17, Translation and Purport:

On the outskirts of that city were many beautiful trees and creepers encircling a nice lake. Also surrounding that lake were many groups of birds and bees that were always chanting and humming.

Since the body is a great city, there must be various arrangements such as lakes and gardens for sense enjoyment. Of the various parts of the body, those which incite sexual impulses are referred to here indirectly. Because the body has genitals, when the living entity attains the right age—be he man or woman—he becomes agitated by the sex impulse. As long as one remains a child, he is not agitated by seeing a beautiful woman. Although the sense organs are present, unless the age is ripe there is no sex impulse. The favorable conditions surrounding the sex impulse are compared here to a garden or a nice solitary park. When one sees the opposite sex, naturally the sex impulse increases. It is said that if a man in a solitary place does not become agitated upon seeing a woman, he is to be considered a brahmacārī. But this practice is almost impossible. The sex impulse is so strong that even by seeing, touching or talking, coming into contact with, or even thinking of the opposite sex—even in so many subtle ways—one becomes sexually impelled. Consequently, a brahmacārī or sannyāsī is prohibited to associate with women, especially in a secret place. The śāstras enjoin that one should not even talk to a woman in a secret place, even if she happens to be one's own daughter, sister or mother. The sex impulse is so strong that even if one is very learned, he becomes agitated in such circumstances. If this is the case, how can a young man in a nice park remain calm and quiet after seeing a beautiful young woman?

SB Canto 5

A gṛhastha, vānaprastha, sannyāsī and brahmacārī should be very careful when associating with women. One is forbidden to sit down in a solitary place even with one's mother, sister or daughter. In our Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement it has been very difficult to disassociate ourselves from women in our society, especially in Western countries.
SB 5.6.3, Translation and Purport:

All the learned scholars have given their opinion. The mind is by nature very restless, and one should not make friends with it. If we place full confidence in the mind, it may cheat us at any moment. Even Lord Śiva became agitated upon seeing the Mohinī form of Lord Kṛṣṇa, and Saubhari Muni also fell down from the mature stage of yogic perfection.

The first business of one trying to advance in spiritual life is to control the mind and senses. As Śrī Kṛṣṇa says in Bhagavad-gītā (15.7):

mamaivāṁśo jīva-loke
jīva-bhūtaḥ sanātanaḥ
manaḥ ṣaṣṭhānīndriyāṇi
prakṛti-sthāni karṣati

Although the living entities are part and parcel of the Supreme Lord and are therefore in a transcendental position, they are still suffering in this material world and struggling for existence due to the mind and the senses. To get out of this false struggle for existence and become happy in the material world, one has to control the mind and senses and be detached from material conditions. One should never neglect austerities and penances; one should always perform them. Lord Ṛṣabhadeva personally showed us how to do this. In the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (9.19.17) it is specifically stated:

mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā
nāviviktāsano bhavet
balavān indriya-grāmo
vidvāṁsam api karṣati

A gṛhastha, vānaprastha, sannyāsī and brahmacārī should be very careful when associating with women. One is forbidden to sit down in a solitary place even with one's mother, sister or daughter. In our Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement it has been very difficult to disassociate ourselves from women in our society, especially in Western countries. We are therefore sometimes criticized, but nonetheless we are trying to give everyone a chance to chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra and thus advance spiritually. If we stick to the principle of chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra offenselessly, then, by the grace of Śrīla Haridāsa Ṭhākura, we may be saved from the allurement of women. However, if we are not very strict in chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra, we may at any time fall victim to women.

SB Canto 6

"A man should not associate with a woman in a solitary place, not even with his mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that they lead astray even a person advanced in knowledge." When a man remains in a solitary place with a woman, his sexual desires undoubtedly increase.
SB 6.18.30, Translation and Purport:

In the beginning of creation, Lord Brahmā, the father of the living entities of the universe, saw that all the living entities were unattached. To increase population, he then created woman from the better half of man's body, for woman's behavior carries away a man's mind.

This entire universe is going on under the spell of sexual attachment, which was created by Lord Brahmā to increase the population of the entire universe, not only in human society but also in other species. As stated by Ṛṣabhadeva in the Fifth Canto, puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etam: (SB 5.5.8) the entire world is going on under the spell of sexual attraction and desire between man and woman. When man and woman unite, the hard knot of this attraction becomes increasingly tight, and thus a man is implicated in the materialistic way of life. This is the illusion of the material world. This illusion acted upon Kaśyapa Muni, although he was very learned and advanced in spiritual knowledge. As stated in the Manu-saṁhitā (2.215) and Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (9.19.17) :

mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā
nāviviktāsano bhavet
balavān indriya-grāmo
vidvāṁsam api karṣati

"A man should not associate with a woman in a solitary place, not even with his mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that they lead astray even a person advanced in knowledge." When a man remains in a solitary place with a woman, his sexual desires undoubtedly increase. Therefore the words ekānta-bhūtāni, which are used here, indicate that to avoid sexual desires one should avoid the company of women as far as possible. Sexual desire is so powerful that one is saturated with it if he stays in a solitary place with any woman, even his mother, sister or daughter.

SB 6.18.30, Translation and Purport:

In the beginning of creation, Lord Brahmā, the father of the living entities of the universe, saw that all the living entities were unattached. To increase population, he then created woman from the better half of man's body, for woman's behavior carries away a man's mind.

This entire universe is going on under the spell of sexual attachment, which was created by Lord Brahmā to increase the population of the entire universe, not only in human society but also in other species. As stated by Ṛṣabhadeva in the Fifth Canto, puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etam: (SB 5.5.8) the entire world is going on under the spell of sexual attraction and desire between man and woman. When man and woman unite, the hard knot of this attraction becomes increasingly tight, and thus a man is implicated in the materialistic way of life. This is the illusion of the material world. This illusion acted upon Kaśyapa Muni, although he was very learned and advanced in spiritual knowledge. As stated in the Manu-saṁhitā (2.215) and Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (9.19.17) :

mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā
nāviviktāsano bhavet
balavān indriya-grāmo
vidvāṁsam api karṣati

"A man should not associate with a woman in a solitary place, not even with his mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that they lead astray even a person advanced in knowledge." When a man remains in a solitary place with a woman, his sexual desires undoubtedly increase. Therefore the words ekānta-bhūtāni, which are used here, indicate that to avoid sexual desires one should avoid the company of women as far as possible. Sexual desire is so powerful that one is saturated with it if he stays in a solitary place with any woman, even his mother, sister or daughter.

SB Canto 7

One should not remain in a secluded place with a woman, even one's mother, sister, or daughter. Nonetheless, although one is strictly prohibited from staying with a woman in a secluded place, Nārada Muni gave shelter to Prahlāda Mahārāja's young mother, who rendered service to him with great devotion and faith.
SB 7.7.14, Translation and Purport:

My mother, being pregnant, desired the safety of her embryo and desired to give birth after her husband's arrival. Thus she stayed at Nārada Muni's āśrama, where she rendered service unto Nārada Muni with great devotion.

It is stated in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (9.19.17)

mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā
nāviviktāsano bhavet
balavān indriya-grāmo
vidvāṁsam api karṣati

One should not remain in a secluded place with a woman, even one's mother, sister, or daughter. Nonetheless, although one is strictly prohibited from staying with a woman in a secluded place, Nārada Muni gave shelter to Prahlāda Mahārāja's young mother, who rendered service to him with great devotion and faith. Does this mean that Nārada Muni transgressed the Vedic injunctions? Certainly he did not. Such injunctions are intended for mundane creatures, but Nārada Muni is transcendental to mundane categories. Nārada Muni is a great saint and is transcendentally situated. Therefore, although he was a young man, he could give shelter to a young woman and accept her service. Haridāsa Ṭhākura also spoke with a young woman, a prostitute, in the dead of night, but the woman could not deviate his mind. Instead, she became a Vaiṣṇavī, a pure devotee, by the benediction of Haridāsa Ṭhākura. Ordinary persons, however, should not imitate such highly elevated devotees. Ordinary persons must strictly observe the rules and regulations by staying aloof from the association of women. No one should imitate Nārada Muni or Haridāsa Ṭhākura. It is said, vaiṣṇavera kriyā-mudrā vijñe nā bujhaya. Even if a man is very advanced in learning, he cannot understand the behavior of a Vaiṣṇava. Anyone can take shelter of a pure Vaiṣṇava, without fear. Therefore in the previous verse it has been distinctly said, devarṣer antike sākuto-bhayā: Kayādhu, the mother of Prahlāda Mahārāja, stayed under the protection of Nārada Muni without fear from any direction. Similarly, Nārada Muni, in his transcendental position, stayed with the young woman without fear of deviation. Nārada Muni, Haridāsa Ṭhākura and similar ācāryas especially empowered to broadcast the glories of the Lord cannot be brought down to the material platform. Therefore one is strictly forbidden to think that the ācārya is an ordinary human being (guruṣu nara-matiḥ).

Unnecessary association with women, even with one's mother, sister or daughter, is strictly prohibited. This is human civilization. A civilization that allows men to mix unrestrictedly with women is an animal civilization.
SB 7.12.8, Translation and Purport:

If the wife of the spiritual master is young, a young brahmacārī should not allow her to care for his hair, massage his body with oil, or bathe him with affection like a mother.

The relationship between the student or disciple and the wife of the spiritual master or teacher is like that between son and mother. A mother sometimes cares for her son by combing his hair, massaging his body with oil, or bathing him. Similarly, the wife of the teacher is also a mother (guru-patnī), and therefore she may also care for the disciple in a motherly way. If the wife of the teacher is a young woman, however, a young brahmacārī should not allow such a mother to touch him. This is strictly prohibited. There are seven kinds of mothers:

ātma-mātā guroḥ patnī
brāhmaṇī rāja-patnikā
dhenur dhātrī tathā pṛthvī
saptaitā mātaraḥ smṛtāḥ

These mothers are the original mother, the wife of the teacher or spiritual master, the wife of a brāhmaṇa, the king's wife, the cow, the nurse and the earth. Unnecessary association with women, even with one's mother, sister or daughter, is strictly prohibited. This is human civilization. A civilization that allows men to mix unrestrictedly with women is an animal civilization. In Kali-yuga, people are extremely liberal, but mixing with women and talking with them as equals actually constitutes an uncivilized way of life.

SB Canto 8

"One should not stay in a solitary place with a woman, even if she be his mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so uncontrollably powerful that in the presence of a woman one may become agitated, even if he is very learned and advanced."
SB 8.12.34, Translation and Purport:

Following Mohinī, Lord Śiva went everywhere—near the shores of the rivers and lakes, near the mountains, near the forests, near the gardens, and wherever there lived great sages.

Śrīla Viśvanātha Cakravartī Ṭhākura remarks that Mohinī-mūrti dragged Lord Śiva to so many places, especially to where the great sages lived, to instruct the sages that their Lord Śiva had become mad for a beautiful woman. Thus although they were all great sages and saintly persons, they should not think themselves free, but should remain extremely cautious about beautiful women. No one should think himself liberated in the presence of a beautiful woman. The śāstras enjoin:

mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā
nāviviktāsano bhavet
balavān indriya-grāmo
vidvāṁsam api karṣati

"One should not stay in a solitary place with a woman, even if she be his mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so uncontrollably powerful that in the presence of a woman one may become agitated, even if he is very learned and advanced." (SB 9.19.17)

SB Canto 9

Learning the etiquette of how to deal with women does not free one from sexual attraction. As specifically mentioned herewith, such attraction is possible even with one's mother, sister or daughter. Generally, of course, one is not sexually attracted to his mother, sister or daughter, but if one allows himself to sit very close to such a woman, one may be attracted.
SB 9.19.17, Translation and Purport:

One should not allow oneself to sit on the same seat even with one's own mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that even though one is very advanced in knowledge, he may be attracted by sex.

Learning the etiquette of how to deal with women does not free one from sexual attraction. As specifically mentioned herewith, such attraction is possible even with one's mother, sister or daughter. Generally, of course, one is not sexually attracted to his mother, sister or daughter, but if one allows himself to sit very close to such a woman, one may be attracted. This is a psychological fact. It may be said that one is liable to be attracted if he is not very advanced in civilized life; however, as specifically mentioned here, vidvāṁsam api karṣati: even if one is highly advanced, materially or spiritually, he may be attracted by lusty desires. The object of attraction may even be one's mother, sister or daughter. Therefore, one should be extremely careful in dealings with women. Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was most strict in such dealings, especially after He accepted the sannyāsa order. Indeed, no woman could come near Him to offer Him respect. Again, one is warned herewith that one should be extremely careful in dealings with women. A brahmacārī is forbidden even to see the wife of his spiritual master if she happens to be young. The wife of the spiritual master may sometimes take some service from the disciple of her husband, as she would from a son, but if the wife of the spiritual master is young, a brahmacārī is forbidden to render service to her.

Sri Caitanya-caritamrta

CC Antya-lila

`One should not sit closely with one's mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that they may attract even a person advanced in knowledge.’.
CC Antya 2.119, Translation and Purport:

“"One should not sit closely with one's mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are so strong that they may attract even a person advanced in knowledge.’

This verse appears in the Manu-saṁhitā (2.215) and Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (9.19.17).

Lectures

Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures

Nobody becomes lusty with mother or sister or daughter. But śāstra says: "Even your mother or sister or daughter, you should not live in a solitary place." Then one may question that "How it is possible?" No. The śāstra says: The senses are so strong that it becomes polluted. "Now it may be, some rascal fools may be polluted like that." No. Śāstra... Even the most learned, he can be polluted.
Lecture on BG 1.40 -- London, July 28, 1973:

Prabhupāda: When people become neglectful of the family tradition and religious principles, adharma abhibhavāt kṛṣṇa praduṣyanti kula-striyaḥ (BG 1.40). Kula-striyaḥ. Kula-striyaḥ means... Kula means family, and striyaḥ means woman. So woman must be belonging to a respectable family. Therefore it is said: kula-striyaḥ. Not society-girls. Kula-striyaḥ. Of the family. We have got experience in our school, college days. I was sitting in a friend's house and one sweeper woman, sweeper, with broomstick and with, what is called, covering?

Devotee: Shawl.

Prabhupāda: She was standing, say, about twenty yards distant from our sitting place. So I asked my friend that: "Your, this sweeper woman wants to come in. She's waiting because we are sitting. She is ashamed to come. So let us come here." So we stood separately. That means although she was a sweeper woman, still we had to honor her to enter. We stood up separately. She was feeling that; "How can I go between two men?" This we have seen in our... So this is Vedic culture. Woman should not be allowed to mix with man. Not allowed. In Japan also, the same system. Before marriage, they can mix. But after marriage they cannot mix. In Japan also I have seen. But in India still the system is there. Woman, without husband, cannot talk with any man. That is also psychological. In the Bhāgavata it is stated that man is like ghee, butterpot, and woman is like fire. Therefore, as they, as soon as there is fire and butter pot, the butter pot must melt. Therefore they should be kept aside. These are the statements. And the śāstra says that in a solitary place you should not remain even with your daughter, even with your sister, even with your mother.

mātṛ-svasra-duhitravan
na viviktaḥ sanevaśet
balavān indriya-grāmo
vidvāṁs api karṣati

Either your mother or sister, or daughter. No, nobody becomes lusty with mother or sister or daughter. But śāstra says: "Even your mother or sister or daughter, you should not live in a solitary place." Then one may question that "How it is possible?" No. The śāstra says: balavān indriya-grāmaḥ. The senses are so strong that it becomes polluted. "Now it may be, some rascal fools may be polluted like that." No. Śāstra... Vidvāṁs api karṣati. Even the most learned, he can be polluted. So sometimes in India, I am criticized that I keep women and men in the same temple. In India, that is not allowed. No women can live at night. They can come and go. But I defend myself that this is the system of the country, the women and men, they intermingle. How can I check it? Then the women, shall I not give them any chance for chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa? No, I shall do this chance, I shall give this chance to woman even at the risk. That is my reply.

So therefore chastity is very, very important thing for producing good population, nice population. So unless the population is good... If the population becomes hippies, then how there can be any peace and prosperity? Therefore, to produce children, there is saṁskāra. First saṁskāra is Garbhādhāna saṁskāra. This is called kula-dharma. Garbhādhāna saṁskāra means when, especially the high caste, brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya especially...Not śūdra. Śūdra has no saṁskāra. Only the higher class, brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya and vaiśya. Vaiśya also sometimes no saṁskāra. But brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya must have saṁskāra. Daśa-vidhā saṁskārāḥ. Ten kinds of saṁskāra. One of the saṁskāra... Saṁskāra means purificatory method. One of the saṁskāra is also marriage. One must get married. So, before the child is given birth, there is a saṁskāra, what is called? Garbhādhāna saṁskāra. It is not that the husband and wife mix without any restriction and have sex life at any time. No. You know that, that mother of Hiraṇyakaśipu, Kaśyapa Muni, I think, father. So she, the woman became very much sexually excited and the husband replied that: "This is not time. This is very bad time, evening. Why you are insisting?" But she was too much lusty, and because the husband was obliged, Hiraṇyakaśipu was born, a demon was born. Therefore there is Garbhādhāna saṁskāra, to find out when the husband and wife should mix and give birth to a child. Therefore in the Bhagavad-gītā you'll see that sex life which is according to the principle of religious ideas, that is "I am." So sex life is not bad, provided it is executed according to the religious principles. So Garbhādhāna saṁskāra... Just, what is the idea? The idea is the child born must be first class. He'll be able to become Kṛṣṇa conscious. He'll be able to understand the śāstras, the Vedas. He must have the good brain. These were the ideas. But if they are not born in that way, like cats and dog, that is called varṇa-saṅkara. Varṇa-saṅkara. You cannot specify whether he's a brāhmaṇa or a kṣatriya and vaiśya and śūdra. That is called varṇa-saṅkara. So varṇa-saṅkara population is not good. Varṇa-saṅkara. No caste. No designation, no definition to which class this man belongs.

So at the present moment, because these purificatory processes are not accepted, even in India... Accepted, they're unable. Everything has topsy-turvied. Therefore the śāstra says that: "Accept everyone as śūdra." Kalau śūdraḥ sambhava. There is no more brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya or vaiśya. All śūdras. We have to accept.

Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures

We have heard that even Lord Śiva, Lord Brahmā, they became sexually excited. It is said that Lord Brahmā was enchanted by daughter, what to speak of others. This material world is so, I mean to say, bewildering, that sometimes the first-class person also becomes bewildered by sex life. Therefore it is strictly prohibited that one should not remain in a solitary place with woman even though the woman is mother, sister or daughter.
Lecture on SB 7.12.1 -- Bombay, April 12, 1976:

If one is devotee, then he does not like anything material. And the sex enjoyment is the topmost pleasure in this material world. So naturally one who is devotee, he doesn't require to practice brahmācārya separately-paraṁ dṛṣṭvā nivartate (BG 9.59)—because sex pleasure may be very nice in this material world, but when one gets a sense of spiritual pleasure, then this pleasure becomes abominable. It is said by Yamunācārya,

yad-avadhi mama cetaḥ kṛṣṇa-padāravindayor
nava-nava-dhāmany (udyataṁ) rantum āsīt
tad-avadhi bata nārī-saṅgame (smaryamāne)
bhavati mukha-vikāraḥ suṣṭu niṣṭhīvanaṁ ca

"Since I have begun to understand Kṛṣṇa consciousness and getting relish, then, since then, when I think of...," bata nārī-saṅgame, "sex pleasure with woman, I spite on it and my mouth becomes curved, 'Eh,' like that."

Actually it is the position, but because we are under the spell of māyā, we are captivated, bewildered, that after sex life, not only human being, but anyone who is living within this material world, beginning from Brahmā down to the smallest insect, everyone is after sex life. We have heard that even Lord Śiva, Lord Brahmā, they became sexually excited. It is said that Lord Brahmā was enchanted by daughter, what to speak of others. This material world is so, I mean to say, bewildering, that sometimes the first-class person also becomes bewildered by sex life. Therefore it is strictly prohibited that one should not remain in a solitary place with woman even though the woman is mother, sister or daughter. This is the injunction of the śāstra. Mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā na viviktāsane vāset, balavān indriya-grāmo vidvaṁsam api karṣati (SB 9.19.17). This is the order, that mātrā... Mātrā means "along with mother," svasrā mean "along with sister," and duhitrā means "along with daughter." "One should not sit down in a solitary place even with mother, sister or daughter."

So one may be surprised, that "Nobody becomes agitated, sitting before mother, sister or daughter." But śāstra says, "No, no. They are agitated." Then you can say, "Maybe agitates some fool rascal." "No." Vidvaṁsam api karṣati: "Even though one is very advanced, learned, they also become agitated." Therefore you should be very, very careful. Very, very careful. And another place is, another... Just like in our society, compulsorily we have to mix with women—not only women, very beautiful young girls. But if one is not agitated even in this association of beautiful women and girls, then he is to be considered paramahaṁsa. He is very advanced. Those who are not... Paramahaṁsa means he's above all these material qualities.

So we cannot avoid in our Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement. That was the problem from the very beginning. In India there is restriction between men and women, free intermingling, but in your country there is no such restriction. Therefore I got my disciples married. They criticize me that I have become a marriage-maker. Anyway, I wanted at least to regulate. That is required. Dharmāviruddhaḥ kāmo 'smi. Kṛṣṇa also says. Now, a married man also can be brahmacārī. If a married man stick to one wife, and before sex, if he takes permission from his spiritual master, then he is brahmacārī. Not whimsically. When the spiritual master orders him that "Now you can beget a child," then he is brahmacārī. Śrīla Vira-Rāghava Ācārya, he has described in his comment that there are two kinds of brahmacārī. One brahmacārī is naiṣṭhikī-brahmacārī; he doesn't marry. And another brahmacārī is... Although he marries, he is fully under control of the spiritual master, even for sex. He is also brahmacārī.

So why so much restriction on the sex life? The people do not understand throughout the whole world. They are captivated by sex life, especially in the Western countries. Puṁsāṁ-striyaṁ-mithunī-bhavam etat. Material existence means a desire of sex life, both man and woman. Puṁsāṁ-striyaṁ-mithunī-bhavam etat. Not only in human society, in animal society, in bird society, everywhere, that is material life. Tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. And when they are united for this purpose, a man and woman, they... We are already attached to the material activities. Then our attachment becomes more and more strong. Tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. Then, out of this attachment, ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta vittair janasya moho 'yam ahaṁ mameti (SB 5.5.8). In this way, being united, then they want gṛha, apartment, to live together. Then they want some land. Formerly there was no service. The gṛhastha used to produce the food grains from the land. Neither there was factories or big, big offices to get job. One had to produce his own food from the land. So simply apartment will not help. I must require some land for eating. Gṛha-kṣetra-sūta. Then we desire for some children. Sūta, āpta, then friends. Sūta, āpta. Ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta vittaiḥ. But all these establishment can be maintained by money only. Then money. Then, in this way, gradually, janasya moho 'ham. We are already bewildered. We are attached to this material world, but when we are united, man and woman together, our attachment for this material world becomes increased.

So one may be surprised, that "Nobody becomes agitated, sitting before mother, sister or daughter." But śāstra says, "No, no. They are agitated." Then you can say, "Maybe agitates some fool rascal." "No." : "Even though one is very advanced, learned, they also become agitated." Therefore you should be very, very careful. Very, very carefu.
Lecture on SB 7.12.1 -- Bombay, April 12, 1976:

If one is devotee, then he does not like anything material. And the sex enjoyment is the topmost pleasure in this material world. So naturally one who is devotee, he doesn't require to practice brahmācārya separately-paraṁ dṛṣṭvā nivartate (BG 9.59)—because sex pleasure may be very nice in this material world, but when one gets a sense of spiritual pleasure, then this pleasure becomes abominable. It is said by Yamunācārya,

yad-avadhi mama cetaḥ kṛṣṇa-padāravindayor
nava-nava-dhāmany (udyataṁ) rantum āsīt
tad-avadhi bata nārī-saṅgame (smaryamāne)
bhavati mukha-vikāraḥ suṣṭu niṣṭhīvanaṁ ca

"Since I have begun to understand Kṛṣṇa consciousness and getting relish, then, since then, when I think of...," bata nārī-saṅgame, "sex pleasure with woman, I spite on it and my mouth becomes curved, 'Eh,' like that."

Actually it is the position, but because we are under the spell of māyā, we are captivated, bewildered, that after sex life, not only human being, but anyone who is living within this material world, beginning from Brahmā down to the smallest insect, everyone is after sex life. We have heard that even Lord Śiva, Lord Brahmā, they became sexually excited. It is said that Lord Brahmā was enchanted by daughter, what to speak of others. This material world is so, I mean to say, bewildering, that sometimes the first-class person also becomes bewildered by sex life. Therefore it is strictly prohibited that one should not remain in a solitary place with woman even though the woman is mother, sister or daughter. This is the injunction of the śāstra. Mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā na viviktāsane vāset, balavān indriya-grāmo vidvaṁsam api karṣati (SB 9.19.17). This is the order, that mātrā... Mātrā means "along with mother," svasrā mean "along with sister," and duhitrā means "along with daughter." "One should not sit down in a solitary place even with mother, sister or daughter."

So one may be surprised, that "Nobody becomes agitated, sitting before mother, sister or daughter." But śāstra says, "No, no. They are agitated." Then you can say, "Maybe agitates some fool rascal." "No." Vidvaṁsam api karṣati: "Even though one is very advanced, learned, they also become agitated." Therefore you should be very, very careful. Very, very careful. And another place is, another... Just like in our society, compulsorily we have to mix with women—not only women, very beautiful young girls. But if one is not agitated even in this association of beautiful women and girls, then he is to be considered paramahaṁsa. He is very advanced. Those who are not... Paramahaṁsa means he's above all these material qualities.

So we cannot avoid in our Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement. That was the problem from the very beginning. In India there is restriction between men and women, free intermingling, but in your country there is no such restriction. Therefore I got my disciples married. They criticize me that I have become a marriage-maker. Anyway, I wanted at least to regulate. That is required. Dharmāviruddhaḥ kāmo 'smi. Kṛṣṇa also says. Now, a married man also can be brahmacārī. If a married man stick to one wife, and before sex, if he takes permission from his spiritual master, then he is brahmacārī. Not whimsically. When the spiritual master orders him that "Now you can beget a child," then he is brahmacārī. Śrīla Vira-Rāghava Ācārya, he has described in his comment that there are two kinds of brahmacārī. One brahmacārī is naiṣṭhikī-brahmacārī; he doesn't marry. And another brahmacārī is... Although he marries, he is fully under control of the spiritual master, even for sex. He is also brahmacārī.

So why so much restriction on the sex life? The people do not understand throughout the whole world. They are captivated by sex life, especially in the Western countries. Puṁsāṁ-striyaṁ-mithunī-bhavam etat. Material existence means a desire of sex life, both man and woman. Puṁsāṁ-striyaṁ-mithunī-bhavam etat. Not only in human society, in animal society, in bird society, everywhere, that is material life. Tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. And when they are united for this purpose, a man and woman, they... We are already attached to the material activities. Then our attachment becomes more and more strong. Tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. Then, out of this attachment, ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta vittair janasya moho 'yam ahaṁ mameti (SB 5.5.8). In this way, being united, then they want gṛha, apartment, to live together. Then they want some land. Formerly there was no service. The gṛhastha used to produce the food grains from the land. Neither there was factories or big, big offices to get job. One had to produce his own food from the land. So simply apartment will not help. I must require some land for eating. Gṛha-kṣetra-sūta. Then we desire for some children. Sūta, āpta, then friends. Sūta, āpta. Ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta vittaiḥ. But all these establishment can be maintained by money only. Then money. Then, in this way, gradually, janasya moho 'ham. We are already bewildered. We are attached to this material world, but when we are united, man and woman together, our attachment for this material world becomes increased. Janasya moho 'yam ahaṁ mameti (SB 5.5.8). Material world mean "I am this body, and in relationship with this body everything is mine," this conception. They forget altogether that "Nothing is mine. Even this body is not mine. Even I am not mine. Everything is Kṛṣṇa's." That is wanted. Unless we get to that status of life, that "Nothing belongs to me. This body also belongs to Kṛṣṇa; I, as spirit soul, belong to Kṛṣṇa; and everything belongs to Kṛṣṇa...," then we become liberated. Tapasā brahmacaryeṇa (SB 6.1.13).

This human form of life is meant for tapasya, to learn how to become detached from this material world. And the beginning is this brahmacārī life. Brahmacārī gurukule vasan dāntaḥ. Dānta means self-controlled. That is real teaching. Either a gṛhastha lives... If a gṛhastha lives, even he has got wife, he does not... One side, according to Vedic civilization, there is no sex life except for begetting a nice child, and that also with garbhādhāna-saṁskāra. In other words, whimsically sex life is completely stopped in Vedic civilization. There everything under regulation. Therefore brahmacārī means how to control the senses, to keep under his own control, not that "I am now sexually inclined. I must have immediately sex." No. Dānta. That is taught. Just like in our society, even gṛhastha, he is also under restriction, and what to speak of brahmacārī. But we should always remember that this human life is meant for controlling the senses. Athāto brahma jijñāsā. It is simply meant for inquiring about our spiritual life. That is perfect civilization

Conversations and Morning Walks

1977 Conversations and Morning Walks

Even Hare Kṛṣṇa people. It is strictly forbidden: "You should not sit alone even with your mother, sister or daughter, what to speak of wife. The senses are so strong, even learned persons, advanced, they also become victimized."
Room Conversation -- February 16, 1977, Mayapura:

Prabhupāda: Ambitious for Kṛṣṇa, everyone should be ambitious: "How I shall become a great devotee?" That is very good. Yes. Again finger problem. (laughs) So electric is not working? Just see. In the evening, we..., people want light. No light.

Jayapatākā: It works the whole day. Only in the evening it goes off.

Prabhupāda: Whole night also. Only evening, when you require it... (laughter) India's material advancement is artificial. They are not fit for it. In America, so long, no electricity every day? People would become mad. There would have been a revolution. Huh? Is it not?

Hari-śauri: Yes. They had a blackout in New York once for an hour or so.

Prabhupāda: Yes, I know that. I was that time.

Hari-śauri: Oh, you were there.

Prabhupāda: Not hour. It was four hours. And fortunately I was not out on the street. I was in my place. That accident took place just after few days of my arrival, 1965. One gentleman, he, I know, he brought me some candle. I had no candle even. Simply I was sitting in darkness. What can be done? But Kṛṣṇa sent him with some candle. Yes. (chuckling)

Hari-śauri: Nine months after that incident they had a record number of births...

Prabhupāda: Yes.

Hari-śauri: ...in New York.

Prabhupāda: What can they do in darkness? (laughter) That is the only engagement in darkness.

Jayapatākā: They could have chanted Hare Kṛṣṇa.

Prabhupāda: No... Even Hare Kṛṣṇa people. Nāviviktāsano bhavet, mātrā svasrā duhitrā vā (SB 9.19.17). It is strictly forbidden: "You should not sit alone even with your mother, sister or daughter, what to speak of wife." Balavān indriya-grāmo vidvāṁsam api karṣati: "The senses are so strong, even learned persons, advanced, they also become victimized." Balavān indriya-grāmaḥ. Balavān means very strong. When the... It is forbidden even with mother, sister or..., and daughter. That is the only capturing instrument in the material world. Maithunyam agāra, prison house of sex, this material world. It is a prison house, but locked up by sex. The ordinary prison house, they are locked up by guards, and here the locking process is sex. Maithunyam agāra. The words are selected in Bhāgavata. They are thinking free. (laughs) They are imprisoned, locked up. And everyone falsely thinking, "I am free. Our nation is free. I am free." What nonsense free? You are locked up already. That he does not... Now this word is used, maithunyam agāram ajñaḥ. He has preferred to remain in this prison locked up by sex because he is rascal. Maithunyam agāram ajñaḥ.

Page Title:One should not stay in a solitary place with a woman
Compiler:MadhuGopaldas
Created:13 of Jul, 2010
Totals by Section:BG=0, SB=9, CC=1, OB=0, Lec=3, Con=1, Let=0
No. of Quotes:14