My anxiety

Expressions researched:
"I am a little in anxiety" |"I am also in anxiety" |"I am also put into anxiety" |"I am getting too much anxiety" |"I am very much in anxiety" |"I can be freed for translation work without any anxiety" |"I have no anxiety" |"I shall be always in anxiety" |"I shall have less anxiety" |"my anxieties" |"my anxiety" |"my only anxiety" |"relieve me of so much anxiety" |"relieve me of this great anxiety"

Arrival Addresses and Talks

As guru's business is to protect the subordinate disciples from falldown... Just like I am traveling all over the world twice, thrice, in a year. My duty is to see that my disciples who have accepted me guru, they may not fall down. That is my anxiety.

Arrival Lecture -- San Francisco, July 15, 1975:

Kaṭha Upaniṣad says, tad-vijñānārthaṁ sa gurum eva abhigacchet: (MU 1.2.12) "If you want to learn that transcendental science, then your first business is to go to a guru." Guru... As God is one, guru is also one. There cannot be different gurus. Nowadays it has become a fashion that "I have got my own guru. You have got your own guru." No. Guru means the representative of God. As God is one, similarly, guru is also one. There cannot be different gurus. Because God is one, how there can be different gurus? The principle of guru is one. (child crying) (aside:) Stop. The original guru is Kṛṣṇa. Yaṁ brahmā varuṇendra-rudra stunvanti divyaiḥ stavaiḥ. Original guru, unto whom Brahmā, yaṁ brahmā varuṇa indra, all the demigods, offering their prayers. Within this universe Brahmā is considered to be the foremost living being, but is he also offering respect to Kṛṣṇa. Śiva-viriñci-nutam (SB 11.5.33). Lord Śiva is also offering respect to Kṛṣṇa. That is the Vedic process.

So Kṛṣṇa is the original guru. Therefore Kṛṣṇa comes to teach these fallen souls. Yadā yadā hi dharmasya glanir bhavati bhārata, tadātmānaṁ sṛjāmy aham (BG 4.7). As guru's business is to protect the subordinate disciples from falldown... Just like I am traveling all over the world twice, thrice, in a year. My duty is to see that my disciples who have accepted me guru, they may not fall down. That is my anxiety. So similarly, Kṛṣṇa, being the original guru, He is also very anxious that "My sons..." We are all sons of Kṛṣṇa, part and parcel of Kṛṣṇa. Mamaivāṁśo jīva-bhūtaḥ (BG 15.7).

sarva-yoniṣu kaunteya

sambhavanti mūrtayo yāḥ

tāsāṁ mahad-yonir brahma

ahaṁ bīja-pradaḥ pitā

(BG 14.4)

Kṛṣṇa is not Indian or Hindu. Kṛṣṇa is everything. Everyone is Kṛṣṇa's sons, in any form. Sarva-yoniṣu. Yoni means species. There are 8,400,000 species. So all of them are living entities, and they are part and parcel of Kṛṣṇa. Therefore Kṛṣṇa is very much anxious to see His sons become very happy, just like father wants to see his son very happy.

1969 Conversations and Morning Walks

Do you think I am not pleased? I am pleased with you. Why I have given up all my anxieties of the sons and daughters who is born from my body, and why I am taking and transferring...?

Conversation Including Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.2.1-34 Recitation & Explanation -- April 1, 1969, San Francisco:

Gargamuni: Well, how can we begin to serve you so that you'll be pleased?

Prabhupāda: (laughs) That I shall tell you later on. (laughter) Do you think I am not pleased?

Gargamuni: I don't know.

Prabhupāda: Oh, you must know it. How can you say that I am not pleased? How you know it that I am not pleased?

Gargamuni: Well, we cause you so much anxiety and everything.

Prabhupāda: Huh?

Gargamuni: We cause you so much anxiety due to our faults.

Prabhupāda: Therefore I am pleased with you. Why I have given up all my anxieties of the sons and daughters who is born from my body, and why I am taking and transferring... (end)

1975 Conversations and Morning Walks

My anxiety, that in my absence you may neglect Deity worship. Then the whole thing will be spoiled. That is my anxiety.

Morning Walk -- July 25, 1975, Los Angeles:

Prabhupāda: To another dog appreciates like that. (laughter)

Rāmeśvara: (break) ...philosophy is that originally God's creation is not perfect. It is... Nature is very wild, and man can make it perfect.

Prabhupāda: You have not come to that perfection, so you are not important. (break) ...Muslim country there is a word, khodaka upar kimvar dhari. (?) Khoda (?) means God. These rascals want to go above God. (break)

Jayādvaita: ...tees have remarked that since you have come to Los Angeles, the Deity has increased in beauty many times, Kṛṣṇa. (break)

Prabhupāda: ...my anxiety, that in my absence you may neglect Deity worship. Then the whole thing will be spoiled. That is my anxiety. (break)

1976 Conversations and Morning Walks

No, I do not wish to interfere. You manage now. I want to see that you are managing without my interference. Now practically I want to concentrate more, or absolutely I want to do that. But sometimes this mismanagement gives me too much anxiety. I do not wish to see that somehow or other we have built up a nice institution, on account of lack of management it may be hampered. That is my only anxiety.

Room Conversation -- June 17, 1976, Toronto:

Prabhupāda: Oh, he is very intelligent, there is no doubt, intelligent, and for preaching work he is good. But for becoming the manager in London, there were.... What is that boy in Bombay?

Hari-śauri: Oh, Prabhaviṣṇu?

Prabhupāda: Prabhaviṣṇu. So, who would become the president, there was war. (laughter) Haṁsadūta wanted Prabhaviṣṇu, and Mādhavānanda wanted that he would become president. In this way, there was great faction. So the management was being done nicely. He was attracting Indians, faithful, they were following. But there were several complaints that he spent very lavishly on his personal account. Purchasing (indistinct).

Jagadīśa: What do you think we should do, Śrīla Prabhupāda?

Prabhupāda: Hmm? No, I do not wish to interfere. You manage now. I want to see that you are managing without my interference. Now practically I want to concentrate more, or absolutely I want to do that. But sometimes this mismanagement gives me too much anxiety. I do not wish to see that somehow or other we have built up a nice institution, on account of lack of management it may be hampered. That is my only anxiety. Now what is the position of the Gurukula in Texas? Our Gurukula, I have repeatedly said that we want simply to know English nicely—English is international language—and Sanskrit just to read and understand our literature. But we don't find any progress in that way.

1977 Conversations and Morning Walks

Don't stop prasādam. Never. Increase. I shall beg and supply you money. Don't worry. But don't waste it. Simply you take money and utilize it for preaching. My only anxiety is that don't be extravagant. Otherwise you take money and spend it.

Morning Walk -- January 6, 1976, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: Here we're inviting everyone, "Come here. Live here. Take prasādam and chant. Don't drink tea. That's all." (chuckles) That is... Hare Kṛṣṇa.

Trivikrama: "No tea?"

Prabhupāda: No tea, no cigarette. That is their disease. No tea, no... Don't stop prasādam. Never. Increase. I shall beg and supply you money. Don't worry. But don't waste it. Simply you take money and utilize it for preaching. My only anxiety is that don't be extravagant. Otherwise you take money and spend it.

Mahāṁsa: Don't be extravagant.

Prabhupāda: You should always know that hard-earned money is... By working at night I am producing book, and they're working there hard, selling the books, and money is coming in that way. So either he or me, mine or yours, it is hard-earned money. It is not easily coming. And therefore we should be cautious. But there is no question of curtailing. There is no question.

Mahāṁsa: Now we are in the process of making a brochure so that we can present to trusts and foundations for bigger donations for the farm project.

Prabhupāda: That's nice. They have amassed money. Let them spend for this village organization. This is real Gandhi's program. He wanted this village organization. But because they manufactured their own way, it was not successful. But if we follow this principle, it will be successful, without any doubt. These big, big āśrama... Gandhi's āśrama is vacant. No. They are getting money, but they have no such program.

So many temples. I have given my program how to manage it. Now you see. That is my anxiety, that there may not be any discrepancies or slackness. Am I right or wrong?

Morning Conversation -- April 29, 1977, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: Hm? Stryadhīśa. So after getting that shelter, I began to grow. Everything was very precarious condition-vagabond. I was selling some books. I thought that "This boy will be trained up" when I got that place. He invited me to "Come to my loft." It was very big loft. I was holding class, collecting ten dollars. Then he was not paying rent. He gave me the charge of paying rent. So Kṛṣṇa was giving by collecting. It was on the top. Still, people were coming. Great story. Never mind. Now we... From my part, whatever is possible. Now you take care. That is my request. Don't spoil it. Now it is up to you. My, this ailment... I can pass away at any moment. My health is not good. I am old man. It is not surprising. Now you GBC, young boys, all, American, expert, you have got all intelligence, resources, so don't spoil. Let the movements go forward more and more. Now you have got nice places, filled with devotees. Don't be anxious for me. That, Kṛṣṇa will take. And even if I go, where is the harm? Old man. I have given my ideas and direction in my books. People appreciate. I think from my side I have done everything. Is it not? Do you think or not?

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Yes, you have done everything.

Prabhupāda: Hm? So you are young men, American boys.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Still, we want the whole Bhāgavatam, Śrīla Prabhupāda.

Prabhupāda: That will be done. Even it is not fulfilled, so there is no harm. But don't send me, in any case, in hospital. Now I am pointing out this. They are useless.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: There's no doubt that you know your body a lot better than they could ever know it. You've lived with it for so many years. They just take somebody's body and they make so many...

Prabhupāda: Now it is a fact, the Yaso (Israel?) Hospital failure. (break) So many temples. I have given my program how to manage it. Now you see. That is my anxiety, that there may not be any discrepancies or slackness. Am I right or wrong?

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Yes, Śrīla Prabhupāda.

Prabhupāda: So far money is here, scattered, you can take charge and do the needful. I kept some money here, there, just to... But now you can take charge of the all money, one or two or three of you, and let me remain free from all management. And only request is, don't spoil it. I sometimes chastise everyone that may not be spoiled. You are taking care of everything, but still more careful. I can live without any food, simply taking these fruits. There is no difficulty.

1967 Correspondence

Acyutananda is here, but he is not eating well, so I am also put into anxiety. In the beginning Kirtanananda was also sick, and he also at the present moment is feeling some pain in his leg. On the whole, the American boys who come here become first depressed, so I do not know how far our American house in Vrindaban will be successful.

Letter to Rupanuga -- Vrindaban 9 September, 1967:

I am getting very encouraging reports from S.F. and Montreal; but reports from N.Y. is not very much encouraging. Kirtanananda has decided to return back for preaching work in the states as he has accepted the sannyasa order of life. Acyutananda is here, but he is not eating well, so I am also put into anxiety. In the beginning Kirtanananda was also sick, and he also at the present moment is feeling some pain in his leg. On the whole, the American boys who come here become first depressed, so I do not know how far our American house in Vrindaban will be successful. I am negotiating with the Revenue Minister of Rajastan government to have some place in the very nice temple of Jaipur. This temple is very ideal place for our imagination of an American house, and it is almost 50% settled that the house may be partly occupied by us. But in any case, at least two American boys must live here and take charge of the management. I am old man. At the same time sick. Even if I am well, it is not possible for me to look after the affairs of the American house. I want to remain free, being taken care of by all of you. In your states I was happy being taken care of by you, and that enjoyment is liking to me in this old age. Anyway, ask Brahmananda what to do in this connection.

1968 Correspondence

I shall have less anxiety for him from now. Now, if he can open a center with cooperation of Hit Sharan, then we can send any number of Brahmacaris there.

Letter to Brahmananda -- Allston, Mass 3 May, 1968:

Now, it is understood that Acyutananda is on the safe side, and you might have noted that my friend Seth Dalmia has sanctioned for him 100 Rs. per month through the Dalmia trust. So I shall have less anxiety for him from now. Now, if he can open a center with cooperation of Hit Sharan, then we can send any number of Brahmacaris there. Later developments we shall have to wait.

1969 Correspondence

Personally I do not feel old. I feel exactly like your little child, and I am taken care of by my so many fathers and mothers like you. So I have no anxiety.

Letter to Nandarani -- New Vrindaban 23 May, 1969:

Regarding my health, I am keeping well, but after all, this body is old enough, although personally I do not feel old. I feel exactly like your little child, and I am taken care of by my so many fathers and mothers like you. So I have no anxiety. Somebody asked me whether I am happy, so I replied that I left my home consisting of five children, where I felt not very much comfortable, but Krishna has given me many obedient and loving children, even though I am in a foreign country. That is my happiness.

1970 Correspondence

Actually, I was thinking of you from London and by the grace of Krishna my anxiety was televisioned to you in your dream.

Letter to Sudama -- Los Angeles 8 January, 1970:

I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated January 4th, 1970. I noted the contents with great interest. Actually, I was thinking of you from London and by the grace of Krishna my anxiety was televisioned to you in your dream. So Krishna is very kind upon us, and His kindness will be more exhibited the more we expand this Krishna Consciousness Movement. Take it as a fact, there is no question of doubting this statement, the whole world is in need of Krishna Consciousness. Krishna inspired My Guru Maharaja, and He inspired Me, and I am trying to inspire you all because Krishna wants it. You have gone to Tokyo with a great mission, with blessings of Krishna, and I am very much encouraged to read your letter that there is great possibility of Krishna Consciousness Movement in Japan. I am so encouraged to learn that you are going to order 5,000 copies of BTG for selling in Tokyo. Thank you very much.

1971 Correspondence

I am also in anxiety for not hearing from you.

Letter to Ksirodakasayi -- Bombay 26 December, 1971:

I am enclosing one letter to me from your son. I do not know why you are not writing them, but please do the needful, so that they shall not worry or be in anxiety.*

I hope this will meet you in good health,

Your ever well-wisher,

A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami

*I am also in anxiety for not hearing from you.

1972 Correspondence

Before going to Bangladesh you should receive the money from Mr. Jayan then send the requisition order with joint signatures. You must jointly take responsibility in this matter or I shall be always in anxiety how the things are going on.

Letter to Tamala Krsna -- Los Angeles 28 June, 1972:

I am in due receipt of your letter dated June 22, 1972, and with great pleasure I have noted the contents and enclosures. But one thing, I do not find any mention of how the work is going on there at Mayapur. I have entrusted you as the leader of this project to see that it is always going on at full capacity, that the men are working, that the money shall be collected and spent wisely and timely, and in all respects take full responsibility for this great construction work. But I do not find even any mention how the work is going in your letters. Neither I find any photos or mention in the letters from Acyutananda, Bhavananda, and Jayapataka. Why you are not mentioning? I received sometime back two telegrams requesting money to be transferred in the usual manner, and I have duly replied the telegrams by informing you to first receive the money from Mr. Jayan, as before, and then send us requisition order with minimum joint signature of two numbers. But as yet you have not sent any requisition notice, neither have we made any transfer, so how these things will go on like this? So before going to Bangladesh you should receive the money from Mr. Jayan then send the requisition order with joint signatures. You must jointly take responsibility in this matter or I shall be always in anxiety how the things are going on. I consider this Mayapur Project to be our most important work practically, so when I do not get any information I can naturally assume the worst.

They have mentioned there may be some illicit relationship between Devananda Swami and your wife, Yamuna devi. I want to know if there is any substance to this claim; you may be frank and honest with me as much as possible because I am very much in anxiety on this account.

Letter to Gurudasa -- Paris July 22, 1972:

I have recently received several letters from the others there in Vrndavana, wherein they have mentioned there may be some illicit relationship between Devananda Swami and your wife, Yamuna devi. I want to know if there is any substance to this claim, you may be frank and honest with me as much as possible because I am very much in anxiety on this account. Therefore I have asked Devananda to leave India for working as pujari in Nairobi. Also enclosed please find the copy of one letter from the accountant there in Vrndavana. The report is not very good, so you please give me your side of the situation and explain these things.

In the same way that you have begun everything at Mayapur, just bring along one engineer and see that he is doing everything properly. That will relieve me of so much anxiety, as I want to display something very wonderful in Vrindaban, but as yet there is nothing to show.

Letter to Tamala Krsna -- London 1 August, 1972:

Now there is a very important job for you to do. I have just now understood from Gurudasa that practically no one is able to carry on the construction work at Vrindaban with good results. So many months they have been there but there is nothing tangible begun. Practically you are the best man for giving them a good start. Now the Bangladesh business is postponed, and you have trained Yasodanandana Maharaja in leading the sankirtana party, so you will be free for a few weeks to help me in this way by taking one qualified engineer from Calcutta who has agreed to work with us and live with us without consideration of remuneration and go to Vrindaban and do some solid work. Kindly do the needful immediately and let me know. Gargamuni has collected funds for Vrindaban project very nicely, so if cooperatively you and Gargamuni Maharaja work together you can do something concrete, and this will please me very much. He will supply you with funds and you supervise the building work. In the same way that you have begun everything at Mayapur, just bring along one engineer and see that he is doing everything properly. That will relieve me of so much anxiety, as I want to display something very wonderful in Vrindaban, but as yet there is nothing to show.

If I cannot rely on you to assist me in the GBC position, who can I rely on? So I beg you to reassure me that you will continue to help me in this way, and do not become withdrawn from your active role. Kindly relieve me of this great anxiety.

Letter to Gaurasundara -- Los Angeles 26 August, 1972:

I have requested Siddhasvarupa Ananda to meet me in Los Angeles, but if he is not able to then I am coming to hawaii soon on my way to India and I can meet him there and take him with me to India. Meanwhile, do not be disturbed. Everything is alright. If I cannot rely on you to assist me in the GBC position, who can I rely on? So I beg you to reassure me that you will continue to help me in this way, and do not become withdrawn from your active role. Kindly relieve me of this great anxiety. I want to retire now and simply concentrate on translating work, but how can I do it if I cannot give over the management of my society to you all my advanced senior disciples? If one moment you are willing and the next moment there is some small disagreement and immediately you all go away, how can I be calm in my mind? I am going to India by first week of October and I shall stop over one night in Honolulu en route and we can discuss the matter further at that time.

I am a little in anxiety on account of Bombay affairs. It is a question of fifteen lacs of rupees, but the matter has not been properly handled by our men in India.

Letter to Kirtanananda -- San Francisco 7 October, 1972:

I am a little in anxiety on account of Bombay affairs. It is a question of fifteen lacs of rupees, but the matter has not been properly handled by our men in India. Please pray to Krsna that things may come in normal situation. All of you may remember that we have taken a very responsible task in the matter of broadcasting the message of Lord Caitanya Who is Krsna Himself. Lord Caitanya is Radha-Krsna combined together. So you are one of the seniormost servants of the society. Kindly try to improve the aims and objects of the society so that all over the world the people may become happy.

1974 Correspondence

The whole management should be done combinedly. Do not fight amongst yourselves, as that is my only anxiety.

Letter to Gurudasa -- Melbourne 1 July, 1974:

All big officers in Mathura and Vrindaban should be invited. Goswamis and godbrothers also. Also invite local Marwaris and invite Parthak also. Practically by distributing a general invitation card we shall invite everyone. All the inhabitants of Vrindaban will be invited to come and see the deity and take prasadam. There should be special arrangement for life members, Mr. Birla and many other respectable visitors. There is no question of money. Let it be a first class, 1-A arrangement. Krsna will provide all expenditures so try to make it gorgeous. Gorgeous means sufficient stock of prasadam and temple decorations as gorgeous as possible. The internal management of dressing can be done by Yamuna, Madira and Jayatirtha they are all expert. The sastric direction can be from Pradyumna.

Furthermore, try to get the land if possible within one lac rupees. If he doesn't agree we don't mind we can see the other land. Also Mr. Jaya Purna of Karnapura came to see me, so invitation should be extended to him. Invite all local asramas and sannyasis as well. I do not hear of Pranava; I sent him a telegram but there is no reply.

The whole management should be done combinedly. Do not fight amongst yourselves, as that is my only anxiety. I shall leave for Vrindaban by 25th July. In the meantime, reply to me at L.A.

My only anxiety is to guide you. Krsna sometimes makes me sick just to examine how much you have learned to conduct the business under my guidance, with a little independence.

Letter to Bali-mardana -- Vrindaban 5 September, 1974:

I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated August 28, 1974 and have carefully noted the contents. My only anxiety is to guide you. Krsna sometimes makes me sick just to examine how much you have learned to conduct the business under my guidance, with a little independence. You should never act independently, because my guidance in my words are always there. The main guidance is all of us should remain spiritually strong by chanting the minimum number of rounds and following the rules and regulations. The GBC should personally observe strictly all the rules and regulations and they should become the practical example to others. Then everything will be all right. Then there will be no fear of being victimized by maya.

I want that all our centers be nicely managed so I can be freed for translation work without any anxiety.

Letter to Sri Govinda -- Bombay 12 November, 1974:

I am glad to know that you are cooperating with Jagadisa Prabhu for rectifying the difficulties there. I have received report that you have repaid debts of Dollars 35,000.00, so this is very nice. So continue in this way. I want that all our centers be nicely managed so I can be freed for translation work without any anxiety. Therefore I have created the GBC to take this responsibility.

Simply by maintaining the Krsna conscious standards, everything else will follow. So I have faith in you. I know you are a good worker. Krsna has given you very nice place there in Chicago. So utilize it nicely, and I will be very much pleased.

1975 Correspondence

Unfortunately, I am getting too much anxiety in my country and I do not know why. If you kindly solve this problem, it will be a great relief for me and a great service to Krishna.

Letter to Prof. O.P. Goel -- Perth, Australia 10 May, 1975:

(TEXT MISSING)

which is giving me too much anxiety. I have established about 100 big big temples all over the world. Unfortunately, I am getting too much anxiety in my country and I do not know why. If you kindly solve this problem, it will be a great relief for me and a great service to Krishna.