Just like I have several times said, the marriage is sense gratification, sex life. But somebody may say... They say that "Marriage is legalized prostitution." It may be, but still, there is some control. Although it is called "legalized prostitution," there is no difference between prostitution and married life, but there is some control. People become responsible. By responsible life, they can make advance. Irresponsible life will not help. Therefore loke vyavāyāmiṣa-madya-sevā nityā hi jantoḥ. So our tendency for sense gratification is controlled. Therefore it is called license. Gṛhastha life means a license for sense gratification. But we must know that sense gratification means material life. It may be systematic or not systematic. Sense gratifications means material life. But our aim is to transcend this material life and come to the spiritual life, platform of spiritual life. That is required. So there are so many processes.
Married life (Lectures)
Lectures
Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures
The whole process is to restrict. But gṛhastha, householder means giving a little license who cannot completely restrict sex life. That's all. Gṛhastha does not mean unrestricted sex life. If you have known this married life like that, that's a wrong conception. You have to control if you want to get out of this diseased condition of life. You cannot get out of disease and unrestrictedly go on enjoying your senses. No. That is not possible. Yad indriya-prītaya āpṛṇoti na sādhu manye yata ātmano 'yam asann api kleśada āsa dehaḥ (SB 5.5.4). Those who are indulging unrestrictedly in sense enjoyment civilization, that is not good. Because that will lead him to accept next again this material body. Maybe human body or animal body or any body. But he has to accept this body. And as soon as you accept this body then you'll have to undergo the threefold miseries of the body. Birth, death, old age, diseases. These are the symptoms of threefold miseries.
So there is no need of artificial brahmacārīs. It is sanctioned. My Guru Mahārāja wanted to establish daiva-varṇāśrama. So married life is called gṛhastha-āśrama. It is as good as sannyāsa-āśrama. Āśrama means where there is bhagavad-bhajana. It doesn't matter whether one is sannyāsī or one is gṛhastha or a brahmacārī. The main principle is bhagavad-bhajana. But practically also, I may inform you that these married couples, they are helping me very much because... For practical example I may say that one of my Godbrothers, a sannyāsī, he was deputed to go to London for starting a temple, but three or four years he remained there, he could not execute the will; therefore he was called back. Now, I sent six married couples. All of them are present here. And they worked so nicely that within one year we started our London temple, and that is going on very nicely. (applause)
So a sannyāsī is forbidden not to talk even in private place with woman. But a householder, he, if he associates woman under marriage tie, then it is religious. And without this, this is irreligious. And that religious sex life is God. Religious sex life is God. This should be followed. If we, every one of us reading Bhagavad-gītā, every one of us, at least... So far India is concerned, that is a different thing. In America also, I find so many American gentlemen, they read Bhagavad-gītā. But I am afraid if they are reading Bhagavad-gītā so scrutinizingly, as it is stated here, dharmāviruddho bhūteṣu kāmo 'smi bharatarṣabha: "Sex life which is not against religious principle, that is I am." So in, I mean to say, regulated sex life, married life, that is Kṛṣṇa. So that is not without Kṛṣṇa. That is Kṛṣṇa.
What is that scriptural injunction? That one must get himself married; otherwise, sex life is not allowed. It is considered sinful. Married life sex life is allowed. Kṛṣṇa said that dharma-aviruddhaḥ. Aviruddhaḥ means not against religious principles. The religious principle is putrārthe kriyate bhāryā putra-piṇḍa-prayojanam. According to Vedic literature, one should marry just to have a child, putra. Putra means son. The derivative meaning of putra is pun-nāmno narakād yasmāt trāyate iti putraḥ. For our sinful reaction we have to visit some hell which is known as pun.
There are so many people who have no shelter, so many people who have no food, so many people who have no married life, no sex life, and there are so many people not defended from the onslaught of nature or anything. This age is like that. Therefore, in this age, Lord Caitanya recommended... But because I have no facility even for my material body, still I have to make progress in the spiritual life.
So the pillars of sinful life are four. They are, according to śāstra, that striya-sūnā-pāna-dyūta yatra pāpāś catur-vidhā (SB 1.17.38). Four kinds of sinful activities, they are considered the pillars of sinful life. What is that? Illicit sex life. In the human society, anywhere, everywhere, there is a system, civilized method of system, of sex life, which is called married life. This married life is just like a license for sex life. In the śāstra it is said, loke vyavāyāmiṣa-madya-sevā nityā hi jantor na hi tatra codanā. Those who are conditioned souls, this eating, sleeping, mating, these are the necessities of the body. In the spiritual world, these three things, four things, are conspicuous by absence. There is no necessity of eating there, no sleeping, no mating, no defense. That is spiritual life.
Especially northern Indian people, mercantile people, they take it, advantage, gambling. And sex life is allowed married life. That is gradually nivṛtti, married life; otherwise they will become upstarts. The society will be lost. And meat-eating allowed also: "All right. Just offer a goat before Kali and take that." Not purchase from the market or slaughterhouse. No. So these things are there just to gradually make him refrain from all these habits. Nivṛtti. This is Vedic. Not that "Oh, there is in the Vedas Kālī-pūjā.
So, according to Bhagavad-gītā, married life is required. Sex under marriage rules is permitted. Dharma-viruddhaḥ kāmo 'smi. Sex life... Āhāra-nidrā-bhaya-maithuna. These are bodily necessities-eating, sleeping, sex, and defense. Āhāra-nidrā-bhaya-maithunaṁ ca. So that, these four kinds of necessities are there in the animals also. The dog also eats, sleep, sex life and defend. Then what is the difference between the dog's life and man's life? The difference is the dog's life is not regulated under religious principle. The man's life is regulated under religious principle. So under religious principle if you arrange for sex life, then it is good. Otherwise it is dog's life. That's all. (applause)
Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures
Just like for example one wants to enjoy sex life. "Yes," Vedic knowledge, Vedic scripture, says, "Yes, just enjoy in married life, not like cats and dogs." This is the difference. So without Vedic injunction, if one wants to enjoy by his whims, then he'll be more and more entangled.
So we should be very much careful about this. Married life sex is allowed. Nothing else. That is sinful. Kṛṣṇa says, dharmāviruddhaḥ kāmaḥ. Lust, lust which is sanctioned by religious principles... Sanctioned means... This is sanction: you can have sex life in married life, not otherwise. If you want, more wife. But not more husband. No, that is not allowed. More wife is allowed. A man can have more wives, but woman cannot have more husband.
So required, married life requires children. Otherwise, it is vacant. So Bhāgavata says that ato gṛha-kṣetra-sutāpta-vittair janasya moho 'yam (SB 5.5.8), that "I possess..." In another place it is said that we are thinking very secure: "I have got a nice body, stout and strong. I take daily exercise in the morning and I keep myself fit."
At least I did not like to go to school. So this is also another struggle. Then, when he is grown up, he is given more and more responsibility, examination, and then married life, then family maintenance. In this way, struggling, struggling, struggling—again death. Again enter into the womb of mother. Again the same struggle. So where is happiness? Therefore when Kṛṣṇa says, duḥkhālayam aśāśvatam: (BG 8.15) "This whole material world is a place for suffering only," that is a fact.
Eating, sleeping, mating. And mating should be avoided. That is a great stricture. Sex life should be minimized as far as possible. Therefore we have got this restriction, "No illicit sex." Sex life, we don't say... That you cannot do, nobody can do. Therefore sex life means married life, a little concession. A license, "All right, you take this license." But not illicit sex. Then you'll never be able.
It is restricted. This is brahmacārī life, voluntarily accepting hardship for making life successful. That is brahmacārī life. And then married life. Married life. When the... Brahmacārī is meant for the boys, not for the girls. Girls, they are to be married. A brahmacārī may remain unmarried for life, but according to Vedic civilization, a girl must be married.
Take some land and work little, produce your grains, and the cows are there. You take milk. So milk, vegetables, grains, your economic question is solved. So first of all, gṛha, home, then kṣetra. Kṣetra means "field." I must produce my food. Ato gṛha-kṣetra, then child. Because married life without any issue, that is not very happy.
Either you construct skyscraper building or till it for get some food grain. Ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra, suta. Then without children, married life is frustrated. Putra-hīnaṁ gṛhaṁ śūnyam. Married life without children is void. Avidyaṁ jīvanaṁ śūnyam. If one is not educated, his life is vacate, or vacant. Avidyaṁ jīvanaṁ śūnyaṁ diśaḥ śūnyā abāndhavāḥ. And if you go to some foreign country, if there is no deva, temple, God's temple, or friend, that is also useless. And putra-hīnaṁ gṛhaṁ śūnyam. And if you have no children, the so-called married life is also void.
So we do not stop your eating, but we regulate your eating that if you eat like this, kṛṣṇa-prasādam, then your life becomes full of austerity. If you have sex life in regulated married life, fixed-up husband and wife, then it is austerity. If you don't... Smoking or intoxicating, we never learned it from our childhood, from our birth. From childhood, we require milk to drink and live. But we have learned by bad association or good association. Similarly, we can give up also these habits by bad association or good association.
We have to eat, so grow food grains. So where shall I grow my food grains? Not on the roof, but I must have some land, ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra, land is wanted, ataḥ gṛha-kṣetra. Then putra-hīnaṁ gṛhaṁ śūnyam, family life, married life, but there is no son. That is another troublesome There are so many married life, they haven't got son, children—they are very unhappy. They spend so much money to get a children. They go to the saintly persons and beg blessing, "Give us one children, one child."
It is creating different types of miserable conditions. Naṣṭa-dṛṣṭiḥ. He has no eyes. Arthān samīheta nikāma-kāmaḥ. Based on... He does not know, either it is legal sex or illegal sex. There are two kinds of sex life, legal and illegal. Legal is married life sex. That is taken as legal. And without marriage, like cats and dogs in the street or here and there, that is illegal. So legal sex life is still allowed. Just like Kṛṣṇa says, dharmāviruddha-kāmo 'smi. If there is legal sex, one man and woman, married, and only for progeny they get into sex life, that is allowed in the śāstra.
Just like we say that on the ekādaśī day you should fast. So fasting is not very, I mean to say, pleasant, but one has to do. This is called tapasya. Brahmacaryeṇa. Brahmacaryeṇa means celibacy. The more you restrain your sex life, the more you become strong for spiritual life. Brahmacaryeṇa. Brahma..., brahmacarya means to restrain, control sex life. Therefore somebody asked me, "Swamiji, why you are stressing so much on married life?" I have given this answer to many gentleman in the television, that because we have got a demand for sex life. But if we are restricted with married life, then there is no, I mean to say, illicit sex life. At least we refrain from that.
Therefore, according to Vedic culture, the first beginning of life is brahmacārī. (break) But in the brahmacārī life there is no sex life. Only in the gṛhastha life there is sex life, married life. I was reading the other day a magazine, Watch... What is that? Watchtower. So this paper was criticizing so many immoral activities in the Christian world.
So dharmāviruddha, according to Vedic civilization, one should have sex indulgence only once in a month. That is the prescription. And when the wife is pregnant there is no sex life. That is dharmāviruddha. That is not against the religious principles. Even in your life, married life, if you indulge sex life more than once in a month, or in pregnancy, that is against religious principles. So Kṛṣṇa dharmāviruddhaḥ kāmo 'smi: "Lust, sex indulgence, which is not against the rules of religious principles, that is I am." That means only for begetting children, nice children, so that there may not be disturbance.
This is described in the Bhagavad-gītā. So the life of austerity begins from the life of celibacy, brahmacarya. So brahmacarya, the descriptions are given here, how you can execute brahmacārī life. You cannot think of sex life, you cannot talk of sex life, you cannot whisper about sex life. There are eight types of different regulation to stop sex life. But these things are very difficult in this age. Therefore we have simply summarized that don't have sex life beyond the married life. That is not good.
So this man, Ajāmila, was not a gṛhastha because his beginning of life is that he gave up his married life. He was married with nice wife, coming from respectable family, but he gave up that, and he was attached to a maidservant. And he gave up his real family life. He became a family man with this maidservant, and go on begetting children. That was his life.
If you can remain without sex life, brahmacārī, it is very good. But if you cannot, then get yourself married, live with wife, but have sex only for progeny, not for sense enjoyment. Therefore even one is married, if he's sticking to one wife and the wife is sticking to one man, that is real married life, then the husband is also called brahmacārī. Even though he's a gṛhastha. And the wife is called chaste.
Every child should be trained up as brahmacārī. Then, when he is completely trained up, if he still likes to get into married life or householder life, which is a concession for sex life... It is not required. According to Vedic civilization it is not required. You'll find, therefore, many naiṣṭika-brahmacārīs. Naiṣṭika means never any connection with woman. That is called naiṣṭika-brahmacārī.
They will bring horoscope and calculate astronomically, "What is the symptoms of this boy? What is the symptoms of this girl? Whether they will be peaceful in married life?" They calculated, and the parents would see in what kind of family the girl is born, and what kind of boy, the family he's born. So many things. If they do not agree, the parents of the girl and the boy, then there is no marriage.
But at the modern civilization, the husband and wife quarrel is taken so seriously that immediately they go to the court and there is filing of divorce, and the combination, the married life, dissolved, and both are unhappy. And this psychology is, as it is stated... I do not know, but probably it is right, that disagreement between husband and wife is due to sex difficulty. That's all. It is clearly stated here.
Sri Caitanya-caritamrta Lectures
Of course, in Western countries, it is very difficult. They say, "It is impossible." Big, big men, they say, "It is impossible." Yes, it is impossible. Therefore śāstra has given concession that you require sex life, but enjoy it in married life, but no illicit sex. At least, stop this. If you want to be immortal, these things are to be followed: no illicit sex, no intoxication, no meat-eating, no gambling.
Arrival Addresses and Talks
There it is very nicely taught how to remain free from material encagement. But if one is unable to take immediately spiritual activity, he is allowed to marry. The married life is regulated sex life. Then, after fiftieth year, one has to give up this. So in that stage, vānaprastha stage, the wife is there, but there is no sex life. So in this way, when one becomes very strongly fit not to desire for sex life, then he takes sannyāsa. That is the perfect stage of life for spiritual advancement of life.
Wedding Ceremonies
This marriage is for purification of life. So there is no question of divorce. There is no question of separation. So don't get into married life if you have got such propensity. Our first principle is to become Kṛṣṇa conscious, and other things, secondary. Putrārthe kriyate bhāryā. If you can produce nice children, Kṛṣṇa conscious children, it will, you will do greatest service to the human society.
But they should be so regulated in Kṛṣṇa consciousness that it will not be disturbing element, but we shall make progress further and further towards spiritual realization of Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Therefore, not only the new bride and bridegroom, I request every one of my students who are present that this... The aim of married life is to produce nice children, Kṛṣṇa conscious children. That is the best service to the human society: produce nice children.
The marriage system is there also according to our Vaiṣṇava smṛti. Smṛti means regulative, the law book, the statute book. Married life is there. We are preaching the cult of Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu. He also married. All the five associates of Lord Caitanya, they also married. Kṛṣṇa also married. So marriage is not bad. Marriage is... It is not that unless one becomes a sannyāsī or a strict brahmacārī, he cannot attain the highest perfection of life. No. Even in married life. But one has to adjust it. Married life means not sex enjoyment. It is not a license for sex enjoyment.
General Lectures
This is human life. That is our Vedic principle, compulsory sannyāsa. There are varṇāśrama-dharma. So student life, brahmacārī; then married life, gṛhastha; then vānaprastha; then sannyāsa. That is tapasya. The brahmacārī is also trained up for austerity and penances. That is brahmacārī. The gṛhastha also... Because from brahmacārī life, they go to gṛhastha life, they are trained up in tapasya. Then again, at the age of fiftieth year, they give up the family life, they take vānaprastha.
| Page Title: | Married life (Lectures) |
| Compiler: | Visnu Murti, Serene |
| Created: | 08 of Dec, 2010 |
| Totals by Section: | BG=0, SB=0, CC=0, OB=0, Lec=35, Con=0, Let=0 |
| No. of Quotes: | 35 |