So ārādhito yadi haris tapasā tataḥ kim. Nārādhito yadi haris tapasā tataḥ kim: (Nārada-pañcarātra) "One who reaches there, for him, all kinds of penances, austerities—no more required. And one who does not reach that place, all these austerities, penances—useless, simply waste of time." So this should be the aim of human life. Human civilization, human society, should be so formed that they should have the opportunity. The human form of life is the opportunity to get this boon. So it is the duty of the state, duty of the parents, duty of the guardians, duty of the husband, duty of the father—everyone's duty is how to elevate a living creature who has got this fortunate human form of life to understand this paramāṁ gatim, highest perfection of life. That should be the mode of thing.
Duty of the husband
Expressions researched:
"duties of the husband"
|"duty of a faithful husband"
|"duty of husband"
|"duty of the husband"
|"man's duty to become the husband"
|"prime duty of her husband"
Srimad-Bhagavatam
SB Canto 3
Beautiful Diti, seeing her husband absorbed in trance, began to speak loudly, not attempting to attract him by bodily expressions. She frankly said that her whole body was distressed by sex desire because of her husband's presence, just as a banana tree is troubled by a mad elephant. It was not natural for her to agitate her husband when he was in trance, but she could not control her strong sexual appetite. Her sex desire was like a mad elephant, and therefore it was the prime duty of her husband to give her all protection by fulfilling her desire.
O respectful one, a wife is so helpful that she is called the better half of a man's body because of her sharing in all auspicious activities. A man can move without anxiety entrusting all responsibilities to his wife.
By the Vedic injunction, the wife is accepted as the better half of a man's body because she is supposed to be responsible for discharging half of the duties of the husband. A family man has a responsibility to perform five kinds of sacrifices, called pañca-yajña, in order to get relief from all kinds of unavoidable sinful reaction incurred in the course of his affairs. When a man becomes qualitatively like the cats and dogs, he forgets his duties in cultivating spiritual values, and thus he accepts his wife as a sense gratificatory agency. When the wife is accepted as a sense gratificatory agency, personal beauty is the main consideration, and as soon as there is a break in personal sense gratification, there is disruption or divorce. But when husband and wife aim at spiritual advancement by mutual cooperation, there is no consideration of personal beauty or the disruption of so-called love. In the material world there is no question of love. Marriage is actually a duty performed in mutual cooperation as directed in the authoritative scriptures for spiritual advancement. Therefore marriage is essential in order to avoid the life of cats and dogs, who are not meant for spiritual enlightenment.
Material comforts will end with the end of the body, but spiritual instruction will not end; it will go on with the spirit soul. Instruction in spiritual advancement is necessary, but without having a worthy son, how could Devahuti advance in spiritual knowledge? It is the duty of the husband to liquidate his debt to his wife. The wife gives her sincere service to the husband, and he becomes indebted to her because one cannot accept service from his subordinate without giving him something in exchange. The spiritual master cannot accept service from a disciple without awarding him spiritual instruction. That is the reciprocation of love and duty. Thus Devahuti reminds her husband, Kardama Muni, that she has rendered him faithful service. Even considering the situation on the basis of liquidating his debt toward his wife, he must give a male child before he leaves. Indirectly, Devahuti requests her husband to remain at home a few days more, or at least until a male child is born.
In the absence of the father it is the duty of the grown son to take charge of his mother and serve her to the best of his ability so that she will not feel separation from her husband, and it is the duty of the husband to leave home as soon as there is a grown son to take charge of his wife and family affairs. That is the Vedic system of household life. One should not remain continually implicated in household affairs up to the time of death. He must leave. Family affairs and the wife may be taken charge of by a grown son.
The ideal husband-and-wife relationship is very nicely described in this statement. Kardama Muni gave Devahūti all sorts of comforts in his duty as a husband, but he was not at all attached to his wife. As soon as his son, Kapiladeva, was grown up, Kardama at once left all family connection. Similarly, Devahūti was the daughter of a great king, Svāyambhuva Manu, and was qualified and beautiful, but she was completely dependent on the protection of her husband. According to Manu, women, the fair sex, should not have independence at any stage of life. In childhood a woman must be under the protection of the parents, in youth she must be under the protection of the husband, and in old age she must be under the protection of the grown children. Devahūti demonstrated all these statements of the Manu-saṁhitā in her life: as a child she was dependent on her father, later she was dependent on her husband, in spite of her opulence, and she was later on dependent on her son, Kapiladeva.
SB Canto 5
Another aspect of the Lord's instructions is that one who accepts a wife must be a faithful husband and give her full protection. Human society is divided into two classes of men -- those who strictly follow the religious principles and those who are devotees. By His personal example, Lord Ramacandra wanted to instruct both of them how to fully adopt the discipline of the religious system and how to be a beloved and dutiful husband. Otherwise He had no reason to undergo apparent tribulations. One who strictly follows religious principles must not neglect to provide all facilities for the complete protection of his wife. There may be some suffering because of this, but one must nevertheless endure it. That is the duty of a faithful husband. By His personal example, Lord Ramacandra demonstrated this duty. Lord Ramacandra could have produced hundreds and thousands of Sitas from His pleasure energy, but just to show the duty of a faithful husband, He not only rescued Sita from the hands of Ravana but also killed Ravana and all the members of his family.
Lectures
Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures
Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures
The world is full of dangers. But Devakī, Kuntīdevī says, "But because Devakī is Your devotee, You saved her from the distresses offered by her envious brother." As soon as the brother heard that "My sister's son, eighth son of my sister will kill me," oh, he was ready immediately to kill Devakī. So he was pacified by Devakī's husband. It is the duty of the husband to give protection. "So my dear brother-in-law, why you are envious to your sister? After all, your sister will not kill you. Her son will kill you. That is the problem. So I shall deliver all the sons to you, then you can do whatever you like. Why you are killing this innocent girl, newly married? She is your younger sister, just like your daughter. You should give her protection. What you are doing this?"
Therefore the father wants to get her married, to get relief from the responsibility. He has a great responsibility. It is called kanyā-dāya. Actually the word is called kanyā-dāya. Putra-ṛṇa. Ṛṇa means debt. If you are debtor to somebody you may not pay it, saying, "Sir, I have no money. Whatever you like, you can do." But dāya means a great burden. It must be get relieved of. Dāya means a great responsibility. Dāya. Dāya-bhāk. Just like a son inherits the property of the father... It is called dāya-bhāk, law. Similarly, this is the, I mean to say, most obligatory duty of the father, to get the daughter married. And then it is the duty of the husband next. Just like we get... When we perform marriage ceremony in our society, we get the husband promise that he takes charge of the girl for life. And the girl agrees to serve the boy for life. There is no question of divorce.
So here all the five husbands, how much responsible they were. Because their one wife was insulted, they declared the war, Battle of Kurukṣetra, and killed the whole family. Similarly, Lord Rāmacandra, His wife was kidnapped, Sītā, by Rāvaṇa. So Lord Rāmacandra is God. He would create many millions of Sītās. But no. For that one Sītā, war was declared against Rāvaṇa, and the whole family dynasty, with kingdom, everything was finished. So this is the duty of the husband, that... Not like the modern days' husband: marries for three months. One, the sixth month, they were no more husband. Separate. Not like that. Husband means who takes charge of the girl for life, and wife means the girl who has the resolution to serve the husband throughout life. That is husband and wife. And when the wife is in danger, the husband's duty is to give protection, at any cost. That is husband-wife relationship.
So it is the duty of the king, it is the duty of the government, it is the duty of the father, it is the duty of the guru, it is the duty of the husband to see that his subordinate is being trained up in Kṛṣṇa consciousness in this life, so that there will be no more death.
Kaṁsa, as soon as he heard one omen that this eighth son of his sister, Devakī, would kill him, immediately he became furious: "Oh, let me finish my sister so that there will be no eighth or first or second son. Finish the origin of..." So anyway, Vasudeva saved her. It is the duty of the husband to save, give protection to the wife. So some way or other... It was a family matter.
You are thinking of Kṛṣṇa always. Even Kaṁsa, he was enemy of Kṛṣṇa, enemy of Kṛṣṇa, and he was always thinking of Kṛṣṇa. As Devakī was growing days, she was becoming very bright and beautiful, and Kaṁsa was waiting when his sister Devakī will give birth to Kṛṣṇa and he will kill Him. That was his purpose. He wanted to kill Kṛṣṇa. He was first of all ready to kill his sister. When he heard that "Your sister's eighth son will kill you," so Kaṁsa thought, "Why waiting for the eighth son? Kill my sister." So she was saved by Vasudeva by some trick plan, that "After all, your sister is not going to kill you. Sister's son. Who knows that a son will be there and whether he will live or not live?" But Kaṁsa he would not hear anything. So it is the duty of the husband to give protection to the wife. So he made a plan, that "My dear Kaṁsa, brother-in-law, I shall bring all child born of your sister, and if you like, you can kill." In this way the situation was saved.
Initiation Lectures
We are taking part in this marriage ceremony not like ordinary marriage. It is for making progress in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. You should always remember that this marriage has no separation, no divorce. Lifetime. The husband will help the wife, the wife will help. There are so many things, duties of the wife. There are so many things, duty of the husband. And if they properly execute their respective duties and engage themselves simply in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, the life will be very happy, and not only in this life, next life also. So take this opportunity, be happy. I want to see... Sarve sukhena bhavantu. That is the Vedic mission. Let everyone become happy. Sarve sukhena bhavantu. Let everyone be happy. And without being happy, nobody can execute Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
Conversations and Morning Walks
1972 Conversations and Morning Walks
John Nordheimer: What is the role of women in Kṛṣṇa consciousness?
Prabhupāda: There is no distinction between men and women.
John Nordheimer: I keep hearing about certain propensities women have that would separate them from propensities men have.
Prabhupāda: Well, it is still man's duty to become the husband and woman's duty to become the wife; so these propensities are there. But all this can be adjusted. I have many students and am getting them married, and they are living peacefully and advancing in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Not that everyone is brahmacārī. We have many gṛhasthas and children. In this way the propensities of the women and those of the man are adjusted. A man wants a woman, and a woman wants a man, so we say, "All right, take it. Live peacefully, but don't change partners." We don't allow divorce; once they're married there is no separation. Nor do we allow boys and girls to live together as friends. If a man wants a woman and a woman wants a man, they should become united by marriage, live peacefully and advance in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. That is our proposal. In this way all facilities are there in this movement. Our program is to make people become godly, and everyone should help us. Every sane man should help this movement for the good of society.
1975 Conversations and Morning Walks
Prabhupāda: This is Vedic civilization. And because she went with her husband, the Rāma-Rāvaṇa fight was there. Pathe nari-vivarjitaḥ. It is said that "When you go to a, foreign country, you don't take woman with you." Pathe nari-vivarjitaḥ. But she said that "Where shall I remain for fourteen years? I must go with You." So Rāmacandra had to agree. And on account of taking this wife along with Him, there was so much trouble. And the husband is so responsible that... Lord Rāmacandra, He is God. He could create thousands and millions of Sītās, but not for one Sītā He killed the whole family. If wife's a little hair is infringed, he should take steps immediately. That is husband, not that accept wife today and give it up tomorrow.That is husband. That is the duty of the husband. That is not husband. Husband must be very responsible to take care of the wife, and wife must be very chaste to serve the husband. Then family life is all right.
Prabhupāda: No, we don't say that woman should be exploited by men. We say the man should be responsible and give protection to woman.
Brahmānanda: But they feel so angry from the exploitation that they cannot accept that actually a man could protect them.
Prabhupāda: That is bad experience. But the ideal is different. Ideal is that man must be first-class and he must be responsible to take care of the woman, and she should be given all protection, all necessities. That is the duty of man. Just like father takes the charge of his daughter, similarly, husband should take charge of the woman. And similarly, elderly sons also took charge of the woman. The father never exploits the daughter. He gives all protection. That is the duty of the husband also. When she is grown up, she cannot remain under the protection of father. She is given, therefore, to a suitable boy to take charge. But the charge is the same, to give protection, all comforts. And because there is no first-class man to take charge of the woman, they are declaring independence. All the men are doing that. They keep girlfriend, make her pregnant, and go away, goes away.
Correspondence
1969 Correspondence
Sense gratification means unlawful sex life. Sex life is not sense gratification . . . unlawful sex life is sense gratification. If there is no need of sex life and one uses sex life anyway, that is sense gratification. But when there is need of sex life, that is not sense gratification. Never think that the devotee is impotent and is obliged to become free from sex life. If required they can take to sex life 1000 times. Otherwise, if there is no need for it, they have no use for it. Kardama Muni married a wife. Why he shall not give her children? The wife begged that she must have some children. So he must satisfy the wife and give her some children, that is the duty of husband. But he left his wife as soon as the son was grown up. Not that he used to live with the wife for all the days.
1972 Correspondence
Because the sex-urge is so strong in young persons, and because they are used to mixing freely with one another, I encourage my students to get themselves married. But our point is not that hard knot as above described. It is simply a relationship of mutually helping each other, man and wife, to make advancement in spiritual life, nothing more. We are not after home, money, fame, like that. But that does not mean that he shall not support her nicely, no. It is the duty of husband to protect wife in every way from the onslaught of material nature, and he must act always as her spiritual guide by being perfect example of devotee. Women are not so quick to learn, and they are weak by nature, so they should be protected in this way. In our Vedic science of living, it is enjoined that the society should be organized in such a way to protect women, children, old people and cows, because factually all of them are innocent.
| Page Title: | Duty of the husband |
| Compiler: | Syamananda, Anasuya, Visnu Murti, Labangalatika, Rishab |
| Created: | 24 of feb, 2008 |
| Totals by Section: | BG=0, SB=6, CC=0, OB=0, Lec=8, Con=3, Let=2 |
| No. of Quotes: | 19 |