You have a problem before you in respect to living separate from your wife. If your wife keeps herself peaceful living separately from you, I think you can arrange for the time being like that, but in my opinion, this business of separation may not be developed into a case of divorce. So far Eric is concerned, he is developing K.C. from very childhood, and it is a great opportunity on a human being. I think his father has got a special duty to protect this child in his K.C.; The mother has also similar responsibility, so either your wife or yourself must take care of the good child. If you wife takes charge of him, then you become completely free personally, and you can live in the temple with other brahmacharies, either in N.Y. or elsewhere as you think best. If however, your wife leaves the child with you, then you can take care of him; that will be nice. But I think it is very difficult, because he is not sufficiently grown up. Anyway, both your wife and yourself cannot think of marrying again; that is not my advice. Even if your wife decides to marry again, for your part you should forget it; and if by the Grace of Krishna you can live peacefully without any wife, completely devoted to K.C., that will be the best part of your life. You can love and put all your affection to the child, and try to make him fully K.C.
Divorce (Letters)
Correspondence
1967 Correspondence
I am in due receipt of your short note regarding your marriage. So far I know that you are married with Subala das before me and as such you forget all your previous life. You are now liberated from all other obligations because you surrendered yourself unto Krishna. Such surrender has no more obligations to anyone. So far Subala is concerned he is also a surrendered soul and thus your combination is quiet apt for the service of the Lord. You have, by the Grace of Krishna, got a very nice place to develop a full fledged temple and your husband is becoming competent to conduct the service nicely. I have already given him instruction how to do things and that is published in the New Mexican paper. Please do follow the instructions both husband and wife, and help your God brothers and sisters to follow the instructions faithfully. Krishna is always with you provided you are sincere in His service and faithful to your Spiritual Master, that is the secret success. It is plain and simple, please try to be faithful and sincere. You are very intelligent and devotee of the Lord. Please know it that I do not approve anyone's separation who are married by me. If they disagree, they may live separately, but there cannot be divorce. When one is separate, one may fully devote in Krishna, but no more marriage. If this is not followed, I will not take part in anyone's marriage in the future. I hope you will understand me right and do the needful.
1968 Correspondence
The human society is gradually degrading in the matter of religiosity, and justice; and "might is right" is gradually taking the place of morality and justice. There is practically no more family life, and the union of man and woman is gradually degrading to the standard of sexuality. I understand it from reliable sources that people are trying to get Your Holiness' sanction for contraceptive method, which is certainly against any religion of the world. In the Hindu religion, such contraceptive method or abortion is considered equivalent to murder.
Therefore, in the matter of sex, the human society is gradually degrading even less decent than the animals. As a result of unrestricted sense gratification, even in ordinary dealing, a man cannot trust another man, because the cheating propensity of a man has increased beyond imagination. Attraction of young boys for young girls is no more as a matter of love, but such attraction is only on the basis of sexual potency. As soon as there is slackening of sex life, there is immediately the divorce petition.
1969 Correspondence
I am very pleased to note that you will be getting married to Jagadisa, and try to serve him by helping him develop in Krishna Consciousness throughout both of your lives. Married life in Krishna Consciousness is the perfection of married life because the basic principle is that the wife will help the husband so that he may pursue Krishna Consciousness, and similarly the husband will help the wife to advance in Krishna Consciousness. So in this way both husband and wife become happy and their lives are sublime. In Krishna Consciousness marriages there is no question of any separation or divorce. Any disagreement between husband and wife is not taken very seriously, as much as a disagreement between children is not taken very seriously. This is because the basic principle of married life in Krishna Consciousness is not whimsical lusts, but it is the eternal principle of rendering devotional service to Krishna. So I am enclosing* instructions for Rupanuga to perform this marriage ceremony, and both yourself and Jagadisa have my full blessings for long and happy life in Krishna Consciousness.
I thank you so much for your letter of July 15, 1969, and I think of you very often that you are a most ideal devotee wife. Your husband, Advaita, is working very hard and nicely in Krishna Consciousness, and when the husband is executing his activities very nicely it is credit not only to the husband himself, but it is a credit to his wife also. In materialistic marriages generally there are too many troubles and frustrations because the basic principle for both the husband and wife is their own personal sense gratification. Therefore there is inevitable conflict and divorce petition. But in a Krishna Conscious marriage the basic principle is for both husband and wife to serve Krishna nicely and to help the partner advance in spiritual life. In this way both the husband and wife are true benefactors for one another and there is no question of any serious conflicts or separation. So I am sure that to have such nice parents who are devotees of Lord Krishna, your child Nandini is very, very fortunate.
Regarding your marriage, that is my open opinion that if anyone can remain a brahmacari all the time, without being disturbed by sex urge or who can tolerate such urges, there is not any need for him to marry and take some extra responsibilities. But one who is disturbed in mind, he must get himself married. Therefore, it has to be decided by oneself if he should marry or not marry. It is a fact however that if one is thoroughly engaged in Krishna's service, this sex urge does not have much disturbance. But you have got to work outside with karmis and different types of people. Under the circumstances, if you have a good wife to help you, that will be very nice. Another difficulty is that in modern civilization everyone is independent spirited. The girls are no longer very much humble and submissive to their husbands. So you must be prepared to tolerate such whims of your future wife. According to our Vedic civilization, disagreements between husband and wife is not taken very seriously. But the modern age allows divorce even, either by the husband or by the wife. These things are not good. But after marrying, certainly there will be some disagreement or misunderstanding between husband and wife. So consider all these points, and you can decide yourself. But if you marry, I have no objection, as I have gotten married so many boys and girls and they are living peacefully. If you marry one Canadian girl, your citizenship will be immediately made, without waiting for time. That is the law in the USA. I do not know what it is in Canada.
1970 Correspondence
I think that is you feel too much inconvenience just now by remaining in Boston with Satsvarupa, then you may go to some other center for some time with the art department and carry on your work there. Sometimes such separation for a time is beneficial for husband and wife both, but there is never any question of divorce.
1971 Correspondence
I have also received the newspaper clipping showing Hrdayananda's wedding and it is very nice. So far as him taking over the management of Boston temple, that is all right. All department heads should train an assistant so that in their absence, work may not suffer but go on continuously. However, why do you want to divorce yourself entirely from management of Boston temple? Do you think that is necessary?
What GBC man from India has written that GBC member should be "disentangled from local management"? I have no information who it is. I never advised GBC men to write like that. Why should the presidents give up their posts? GBC work should go on but the temples must be looked after simultaneously. Of course for better management you can go to N.Y.; yours is special case. But this was not my advice. This instruction should be given to all that I never advised that they give up the post of presidency. I asked Tamala if he had written any such direction, but he denied. I do not know which GBC member has advised like that. Jagadisa was also divorcing himself from temple management but found the devotees enthusiasm slackened and so he has returned to the temple schedule. The temples must be maintained.
You write to say how enthusiasm dropped because you were divorcing yourself from temple activities for GBC work. I never said like that. The presidents should not give up their posts, but GBC work must go on and temple activities be maintained simultaneously. So now you have experienced practically that your responsibility for temple upkeep must not be set aside for GBC business. The devotees enthusiasm must be maintained. As I reply everyone's letter and encourage them, so you should encourage the devotees more and more also. Maintain that spirit and give them direction so that this standard may not be deteriorated.
So far as Radhaballaba getting himself married, you must first discuss with him that this marriage business is not a farce, but it must be taken very seriously. There is no question of divorce, and if he will promise not to separate from his wife, then my sanction for the marriage is there; otherwise not. Recently too many couples have been drifting into maya's waters, and it is very discouraging. So if he will agree on these points, then you can perform the marriage with my blessings.
1973 Correspondence
For these questions arising between married husband and wife, you are requesting me to leave your wife and take the vanaprastha order of life, for these questions you must consult with and take permission from presidents and GBC. Yes, I know your wife Lilasakti, and I know that she is very serious and advanced disciple. But now you are married to her, there is some obligation according to our Krsna consciousness or Vedic system. These things cannot be taken so lightly, otherwise the whole thing will become a farce. Simply get married without considering what is the serious nature of married life, then if there is little disturbance, or if I do not like my wife or my husband, let me go away, everyone else is doing like that. So in this way the whole thing is becoming a farce. You say that your "association together was hindering your advancement." But Krsna consciousness marriage system should not be taken in that way, that if there is any botheration that means something is hindering my spiritual progress, no. Once it is adopted, the grhastha life, even it may be troublesome at times, it must be fulfilled as my occupational duty. Of course, it is better to remain unmarried, celibate. But so many women are coming, we cannot reject them. If someone comes to Krsna it is our duty to give them protection. Krsna has informed us in Bhagavad-gita that even women and sudras and others inferior class of men can take refuge in Him. So the problem is there, the women must have a husband to give protection. Of course, if the women can remain unmarried, and if there is suitable arrangement for the temple to protect them, just like in the Christian Church there is nunnery for systematic program of engaging the ladies and protecting them, that is also nice. But if there is sex desire, how to control it? Women are normally very lusty, more lusty than men, and they are weaker sex, it is difficult for them to make spiritual advancement without the help of husband. For so many reasons, our women must have husband. That's all right, but if once they have got a husband he goes away so quickly, that will not be very much happy for them.
Now I do not know the situation in your particular case, I am simply giving you the general policy or background understanding. We should never think of our so-called advancement as being conditioned by or dependent upon some set of material circumstances such as marriage, vanaprastha, or this or that. Mature understanding of Krsna consciousness means that whatever condition of life I am in at present, that is Krsna's special mercy upon me, therefore let me take advantage in the best way possible to spread this Krsna consciousness movement and conduct my spiritual master's mission. If I consider my own personal progress or happiness or any other thing personal, that is material consideration. If there was unhappy adjustment for becoming married, why you got married at all? Whatever is done, is done, that is a fact, but I am only pointing out that once before you did something without proper study of your real responsibility, now you are contemplating again some drastic action in a similar manner. Therefore consider it carefully in this light. There is one verse from Bhagavad-gita: yasman nodvijate loko lokan nodvijate ca yah/harsamarsa-bhayodvegair mukto yah sa ca me priyah, "He for whom no one is put into difficulty and who is not disturbed by anxiety, who is steady in happiness and distress, is very dear to Me." (12.15) One mistake of judgment often made by the neophyte devotees is that any time there is some disturbance or some difficulty they are considering that the conditions or the external circumstances under which the difficulty took place are the cause of the difficulty itself. That is not the fact. In this material world there is always some difficulty, no matter in this situation or that situation. Therefore simply by changing my status of occupation or my status of life, that will not help anything. Because the real fact is that if there is any difficulty with others, that is my lack of Krsna consciousness, not theirs. Is this clear? Krsna says that His dearest devotee is one who does not put others into difficulty, in fact, who puts no one other into difficulty. So try to judge the matter on these points, whether or not you are putting either your wife or yourself into some difficulty. The right understanding of Bhagavad-gita is Arjuna's understanding. In other words, Arjuna came to the conclusion that he must perform his occupational duty, not as a material obligation, for reasons of wife, family, friends, reputation, professional integrity, like that—no. Rather he must conduct the functions of his station of life only as a devotional service performed for Krsna. That means that devotional service is what is important, not my occupational duty. But it does not mean that because occupation duty is not the real consideration, that I should give it up and do something else, thinking that devotional service may be carried on under whatever circumstances which I may whimsically decide. Krsna recommended Arjuna to remain as he was, not to disrupt the order of society and go against his own nature just for convenience sake. Our occupational duty is not arbitrary, that means once we have taken up some field of action, if we are advanced in our understanding, then we shall not change it for another. Rather our devotion is the important factor, so what does it matter what I am doing so long my work and energy are completely devoted to Krsna? Just like Krsna, He is the Supreme Personality of Godhead, He has no work, neither He has anything to do, still He comes here to teach us this lesson. He accepts not only His occupational duty as cowherd boy, royal prince, but also He accepts married life, He enters politics, He is philosopher, He is even chariot driver during a great battle, He does not give example of Himself avoiding His occupational duty. So if Krsna Himself is exhibiting by His own conduct what is the perfection of existence, then we should heed such example if we are intelligent. Even supposing there is wife at home, with children, that does not matter, that is no hindrance to our spiritual life. And once we have accepted these things, occupational duties, we should not lightly give them up. That is the point. Of course, our occupational duty is as preachers of Krsna consciousness. So we must stick to that business under all circumstances, that is the main thing. Therefore married, unmarried, divorced, whatever condition of life, my preaching mission does not depend on these things. The varnasrama-dharma system is scientifically arranged by Krsna to provide facility for delivering the fallen souls back to home, back to Godhead. And if we make a mockery of this system by whimsically disrupting the order, that we must consider. That will not be a very good example if so many young boys and girls so casually become married and then go away from each other, and the wife is little unhappy, the husband is neglecting her in so many ways, like that. If we set this example, then how the thing will go on properly? Householder life means wife, children, home, these things are understood by everyone, why our devotees have taken it as something different? They simply have some sex desire, get themselves married, and when the mater does not fulfill their expectations, immediately there is separation—these things are just like material activities, prostitution. The wife is left without husband, and sometimes there is child to be raised, in so many ways the proposition that you, and some others also, are making becomes distasteful. We cannot expect that our temples will become places of shelter for so many widows and rejected wives, that will be a great burden and we shall become the laughingstock in the society. There will be unwanted progeny also. And there will be illicit sex life, that we are seeing already. And being the weaker sex, women require to have a husband who is strong in Krsna consciousness so that they may take advantage and make progress by sticking tightly to his feet. If their husband goes away from them, what will they do? So many instances are already there in our Society, so many frustrated girls and boys.
So I have introduced this marriage system in your Western countries because there is custom of freely intermingling male and female. Therefore marriage required just to engage the boys and girls in devotional service, never mind distinction of living status. But our marriage system is little different than in your country, we do not sanction the policy of quick divorce. We are supposed to take husband or wife as eternal companion or assistant in Krsna consciousness service, and there is promise never to separate. Of course if there is any instance of very advanced disciples, married couple, and they have agreed that the husband shall now take sannyasa or renounced order of life, being mutually very happy by that arrangement, then there is ground for such separation. But even in those cases there is no question of separation, the husband, even he is sannyasa, he must be certain his wife will be taken care of nicely and protected in his absence. Now so many cases are there of unhappiness by the wife who has been abandoned by her husband against her wishes. So how can I sanction such thing? I want to avoid setting any bad example for future generations, therefore I am so much cautiously considering your request. But if it becomes so easy for me to get married and then leave my wife, under excuse of married life being an impediment to my own spiritual progress, that will not be very good at all. That is misunderstanding of what is advancement in spiritual life. Occupational duty must be there, either this one or that one, but once I am engaged in something occupational duty, then I should not change that or give it up, that is the worst mistake. Devotional service is not bound up by such designations. Therefore once I have chosen, it is better to stick in that way and develop my devotional attitude into full-blown love of Godhead. That is Arjuna's understanding.
You refer to the word "love" several times in your letter, but actual fact is there is no love in this material world. That is false propaganda. What they call "love" here is lust only, desire for personal sense-gratification;
kama esa krodha esa, rajoguna samudbhavah,
maha-sano maha-papma, viddhy enam iha vairinam
Krishna tells Arjuna, His disciple, that "It is lust only . . . which is the all-devouring, sinful enemy of this world." In the Vedic language, their word for materialistic "love" as we call it at present day; "kama" lust for material desire, not love. The word for love, actually love we find in Vedas is "prema", meaning one's love of God, only. Outside God, there is no possibility of loving. Rather it is lusty desire the whole range of human activities, whatever and whenever, so long with this atmosphere of matter, the every activity of the human being—or any living entity—is based upon or given impetus, and thus polluted, by the attraction between male and female, sex-desire. For that sex-life, the whole universe is spinning round—and suffering! That is the harsh truth. So-called love, here, means "you gratify my senses, I'll gratify your senses," and as soon as that gratification stops: immediately there is divorce, separation, quarrel, hatred. So many things there are, going on under this false conception of love. Actual love means love of God, Krishna.
1974 Correspondence
We do not allow divorce, but in your country it is a common thing. Although we do not like it, according to the country, what can be done? There is a Sanskrit saying, Do according to the country's laws. If both the present husband and wife agree to divorce, then they can do it and re-marry, what can be done?
Regarding Miami that you want to replace Abhirama, yes a capable man must be there, what can be done. But I have already written that he can marry that girl and divorce his wife.
Regarding Abhirama, in your letter you mention that in Miami it is so important center, 65 devotees, growing each day, ideal location. So Abhirama, has done this. He has done much service. He cannot be removed whimsically. Sex disturbance is the permanent disease of the Western people. Anyway I have already written you that the local members must agree for him to be removed by you, according to the "Direction of Management." Regarding his divorce enclosed is one letter dated 1/10/74 regarding this.
| Page Title: | Divorce (Letters) |
| Compiler: | Visnu Murti, Matea |
| Created: | 10 of Jul, 2010 |
| Totals by Section: | BG=0, SB=0, CC=0, OB=0, Lec=0, Con=0, Let=17 |
| No. of Quotes: | 17 |