This whole world is based on sex life. A man has got attraction for woman; a woman has got attraction for man. This is nature's bondage. Shackle. And when they are actually united, either by the father, mother, or by their own way, that shackle, that attraction, increases. Puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etaṁ tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. Hṛdaya-granthim. Knot in the heart. "She is my wife." "He is my husband." Of course, now that knot is very slack. Formerly it was very strong because the woman was not allowed to mix with any other man, and the man was also not allowed with any other woman. This intermingling has slackened even that knot, hṛdaya-granthim. Therefore, even trifle cases, quarrel between husband and wife, there is divorce. Because that unity is not very strong now. That is good. Some way or other, it is slackened. So this "own-menship" comes from bodily concept of life.
Divorce (Lectures)
Lectures
Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures
If the woman is trained, a girl is trained from the very beginning that: "You should remain chaste," that is dharma. It is called Satītā dharma. Satī means chastity. There are many stories of Satī, chaste woman. Nala-damayantī. His husband became so poverty-stricken. He was king, but he became later on so poverty-stricken that he had no sufficient cloth. The husband and wife was putting on the same cloth, half and half. So still, still there was no divorce. You see. Still the woman did not consider... She was also king's daughter. But the husband has fallen down to so much poverty-stricken condition. "So why shall I live with him?" These are some of the extreme examples of chastity.
The male is trying also, satisfy his senses, and the female is also trying to satisfy her senses. Here the so-called love means... There is no love. It cannot be love. Because the man and woman, nobody is trying to satisfy the other party's senses. Everyone is trying to satisfy his or her senses. A woman is loving a man for satisfying her senses, and the man is loving a woman for satisfying. Therefore, as soon as there is some little disturbance in the sense gratification, divorce. "I don't want it." Because the central point is personal sense gratification. But we can make a picture, show-bottle, "Oh, I love you so much. I love you so much." There is no love. It is all kāma, lust. In the material world, there cannot be possibility of love. It is not possible. The so-called is cheating, cheating only. "I love you. I love you because you are beautiful. It will satisfy my senses. Because you are young, it will satisfy my senses." This is the world. Material world means this. Puṁsaḥ striyā maithunī-bhāvam etat. The whole basic principle of this material world is sense gratification. Yan maithunādi-gṛhamedhi-sukhaṁ hi tucchaṁ kaṇḍūyanena karayor iva duḥkha-duḥkham (SB 7.9.45). This material world, so-called love, society, friendship and love—everything is depending on that sense gratification, maithunādi, beginning from sex.
Without loving God, if I want to love my wife, that love is not perfect. Therefore so-called love is disrupted by divorce and so many things because that is not perfect love. We do not know what is perfect love and how to conduct it. That is the defect of our civilization. Which we are accepting as love, that is simply a desire for sense gratification. That is not love. Love is different thing. So because... Why the love is defective in the material world? Because it is not properly discharged. We have to understand that thing.
That is explained in the Caitanya-caritāmṛta: lust and love, what is the difference between lust and love. In the material world there is no love. Because everyone is directed by lust. The so-called love... A young boy is trying to love a young girl, or young girl is trying to love a young..., but the background is lust. There is no love. It is simply a show of love. Therefore, after satisfying lust, there is divorce, there is separation. So in the material world there is no possibility of love. It is all lust. Love is only possible when you love God. There is no lust. There is no question of sense gratification. Simply for love: "Kṛṣṇa is my lover. Kṛṣṇa is my master. Kṛṣṇa is my friend."
Now, here we see that the friendship of Kṛṣṇa is going on not in this birth, but perpetually that friendship is there. But in the material world, the friendship, it will exist for few years and then break. Therefore it is reflection. It is not real. If you make your friendship with Kṛṣṇa, that will never break. If you make your master Kṛṣṇa, you'll never be cheated. If you love Kṛṣṇa as your son, He'll never die. Similarly, if you love Kṛṣṇa as your lover or husband, He will be the best husband, the best lover. There will be no divorce. That is Kṛṣṇa consciousness. So similarly, there are many... Because Kṛṣṇa is the Supreme Lord, He has unlimited... He is unlimited, and He has unlimited number of devotees. Now, some of them are trying to love Him as lover or husband.
Samārambhāḥ means all attempts. Yasya sarve samārambhāḥ kāma-saṅkalpa-varjitāḥ. We want to do something to enjoy the fruit. We do some business with a desire, "The profit I shall enjoy." We live in family life. The desire is that... Everyone is trying to satisfy his senses, especially in this age. Dāmpatye ratir eva hi. In the śāstra it is said, dāmpatye, means husband and wife relationship will exist in this age of Kali only on the point of sex life. If there is disturbance in sex life, there is divorce. So kāma is there. In every samārambhāḥ, in every attempt, the lust, lusty desire is there.
This relationship with the Supreme Lord is pervertedly reflected in this material world. And therefore we have got this relationship here, master and servant. But because it is perverted, therefore that relationship is not master and servant. That relationship is with the money and the benefit. There is no love. There is no love. Here in this material world, the master and the servant, that relationship continues so long the master is able to pay the servant. As soon as the payment is stopped, the relationship of master and servant also stops. Therefore that is not eternal. (to someone:) Come on. Sit down here. That is not eternal. Similarly, here also, there is relationship between friend and friend. But in slight difference of opinion the friendship breaks. The friend becomes enemy. Therefore it is perverted reflection. Similarly, the relationship between... (aside:) Come on here. Relationship between mother and son. A slight difference of opinion breaks the relationship, and the son becomes out of the relationship of mother, mother becomes out of... Every way. Husband and wife, a slight difference of opinion, there is divorce, separation. So no relationship here in this material world is actual. Always remember that all relationship in this material world is perverted reflection of that relationship which we have got eternally with the Supreme Personality of Godhead. It is simply reflected.
And similarly, dam-pate kalahe, I mean to say, "war between husband and wife..." So these things are to be taken as insignificant. So, of course, in India the quarrel between husband and wife, nobody cares. Nobody takes very seriously. The husband may complain, the wife may complain. Everyone says, "Yes, yes. That's all right. It will be all right." They never go to court for divorce. You see? But it is... There is no seriousness. And actually it is fact. I have seen a serious. They are divorced, but still, the husband is anxious for the wife, and the wife is anxious for the husband. The divorce is artificial. The husband and wife, the combination, that cannot be cut off. So one should tolerate these things. If there is some misunderstanding, they should not go to the court for divorce. They should tolerate. These are some of the rules for spiritual advancement.
Vivasvān, the present president, or the predominating deity in the sun planet, is called Vivasvān. His son is Manu, and from Manu, the manuṣya. Manu... Manuṣya means who is coming from Manu. The human race has come from the Manu. Therefore the Vedic followers, they follow the principles, or codes, of Manu-saṁhitā. Manu-saṁhitā is the law, Hindu law, still accepted, although they have made many amendments. But it is not to be amended. Just like in the Manu-saṁhitā there is no divorce. Now our Hindu laws, they have amended, "Divorce is allowed." That is not according to Manu-saṁhitā.
We should not be lost of all senses, influenced by this material lust. We have to revert ourself, we have to rectify the lust into love. And if we love God, then we love everything. And without loving God, if you want to love something else, that is nonsense. You cannot love. Therefore we find practically there is so much love between a boy and girl. And just after two years, oh, divorce: "Go to hell." Because there is no love. It is simply lust. We do not know what is love. Simply you are playing with lust, and lust, as soon as you do not satisfy my senses to my satisfaction, then there is anger, krodha, or wrath. And out... Then illusion. Then out of wrath, you give..., you separate with me, I separate with you. So basically there is no love.
I'll give you one practical example. One of our students, his father comes and instructs him, "Oh, I don't like this association. I have no meaning for marriage. You chase after women. You eat and drink and enjoy. I will give you car." You see? What is the fault of that poor student? That he is trying to give up all intoxication; he is not eating meat; he is living purely on vegetable; he is controlling; no illicit sex relationship, attending class morning and the evening. Oh, he thinks it is dangerous. So punaḥ punaś carvita-carvaṇānām (SB 7.5.30). He has already experienced. He is married. He was married. His wife divorced, and his wife divorced him three times, and so many things. He has bad, very bad experience of his life, but he is inducing his son to do the same thing. He has no other idea. This is called punaḥ punaś carvita-carvaṇānām (SB 7.5.30), "chewing the chewed."
Unless one has taken the business of Kṛṣṇa, he cannot think of Kṛṣṇa. He cannot think of Kṛṣṇa. Therefore it is said that ananyāś cintayanto māṁ ye janāḥ paryupāsate. Paryupāsate means constantly worshiping in that way. Teṣāṁ nityābhiyuktānām. Abhiyukta: he is always engaged in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Therefore, yoga-kṣemaṁ vahāmy aham (BG 9.22). Not that only the materialistic people will remain happy. Kṛṣṇa assures that one who is always engaged in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, his happiness will be not divorced. "He will be also happy because I will make him, I will supply him whatever he requires."
This is called hard struggle for existence. Nobody's satisfied. There is always disruption. In this moment, I am your friend. Next moment, I am your enemy. This moment, I am your husband or wife. Next moment, no. Don't see my face. I'll not see your face. Divorce. So these things are going on. So this is called struggle. I am wanting something, but I am accept, I am forcefully being bound to accept something else. This is called struggle. So this is going on.
Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures
Here this material world means everyone is trying to be master. But actually he is servant. Just like take, for example, in a family. The family head is the... Actually, he is servant of his wife, of his children or of his even servants. He is servant, but he is thinking that "I am the master of this family." In your country especially, if the husband cannot satisfy the wife, immediately there is divorce. So although in the name one is husband of the wife, but actually he is servant of the wife. The head of the family, just to keep the family members satisfied, he must be ready to serve all of them. If he dissatisfies any one of the family members, even to the servant, the whole family is disturbed.
My love with a boy or with a girl is there, but as soon as there is some discrepancy there is divorce. So here everything is perverted and with so many faulty ideas, but this, this very thing is there in the Kingdom of God. In relationship with God, Kṛṣṇa. And there everything is eternal. By becoming servant of God, you'll eternally enjoy, same as master. By becoming a friend of God, you enjoy eternal friendship. By becoming father or mother of God, you enjoy the parental affection between father and son. And by becoming lover of God, you become eternally happy.
The dām-patye ratim eva hi: husband and wife relationship means sex. This is the age. As soon as the husband will be unable to satisfy his wife by sex, he will find out another husband and file divorce. These are stated already in the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam. And these are happening. And a man, when he lives for twenty to thirty years, he will be considered grand old man. These are all stated.
We have to give up this imitation, brahma satyaṁ jagan mithyā. Śaṅkarācārya placed this theory before all the world, but that is not explained properly because people at that time could not understand more than that. Brahma satyam: "The Absolute is truth." And jagan mithyā, "And this world, the manifested world, is false." How it is false? That is not explained by Śaṅkarācārya. That is explained by Caitanya Mahāprabhu, that reality, real father... If you accept Kṛṣṇa as your father, oh, He'll give you all protection. If you accept Kṛṣṇa as your husband, oh, there is no question of divorce. If you accept Kṛṣṇa as your friend, oh, Kṛṣṇa will give you everything.
Now, bhave 'smin. Bhava, this bhava means this material world, cosmic manifestation. Bhave 'smin kliśyamānānām. Anyone who is within this material world must work. This is material world. Just like in the prison house, it is not possible that he will sit down and he will be honored just like son-in-law. No. In the, in our country son-in-law is very much worshiped. Worshiped means flattered. Never divorce the daughter. Therefore, nobody should expect that we may speak something humorous about son-in-law in India. Formerly... It is still the system that the daughter must get married. That is the responsibility of the father. It is called kanyā-dāna. A father may not get his son married. That is not very great responsibility.
Dāya means a great responsibility. Dāya. Dāya-bhāk. Just like a son inherits the property of the father... It is called dāya-bhāk, law. Similarly, this is the, I mean to say, most obligatory duty of the father, to get the daughter married. And then it is the duty of the husband next. Just like we get... When we perform marriage ceremony in our society, we get the husband promise that he takes charge of the girl for life. And the girl agrees to serve the boy for life. There is no question of divorce. So the father hands over the charge to a nice boy. Never mind he is rich or no. That doesn't matter. He must be a responsible boy, who knows his responsibility. Not that "Today I marry, and tomorrow I go away. That's all." Not like that.
If the king of the state is an impious man, sinful man, that kingdom will never be happy. Naṣṭa. Everything is spoiled. As much as in a family, if the housewife is not good, contaminated, then there is no good life in the family. In Western countries especially, and in this country also, nowadays, there is no peace between husband and wife, and there is no, practically, no family life. In Western countries there is divorce. Here also the divorce law is introduced. And no family is happy. Gṛhiṇī doṣe gṛhastha naṣṭa. So king must be very pious.
Devotion is only applicable to Kṛṣṇa. If somebody is proclaiming himself that "I am devotee, servant of my nation, of my society, of my wife, of my children"—all false. Here nobody is devotee. Everyone has got some motive. Even the intimate relationship between husband and wife, there is some motive. The husband has got some motive and the wife has got... As soon as the motive is not fulfilled, divorce: "Ah, no more now. Take another chapter."
Dāmpatye, husband and wife relation, will depend on abhiruciḥ. Abhiruciḥ means liking. A girl likes boy, and a boy likes girl. "That's all right. Now let the marriage take place." They do not see what will be future of this girl and the boy. Never. Therefore everyone is unhappy. Six months after marriage, divorce. Because the marriage took place on superficial liking, no deep understanding... So things are taking place like that. Formerly marriage, at least in India, at least up to our time, the marriage was taking place not on the liking of the boy and the girl. No. It was decided by the parents. So... Just like I was also married man. I was married when I was a student, and I did not know what will be the... But the parents arranged.
Simply for the sake of love, the mother loves the child. It is simply a little example. Similarly, love means if I love you, I don't want any return. Still, I love you. You may ill treat me. You may badly treat me. You neglect me. Still, I love you. There is no question of return from you. That is real love. That you cannot find in this material world. Because it is based on sense gratification, therefore there is love between a boy and girl, and as soon as there is little discrepancy, there is divorce. They are separated. Because the whole principle was on the basis of lust. So there is no love. Or we do not know what is meant by love. Love does not mean just a boy is attracted by a girl or a girl is attracted by a... That is not love. That is sense attraction. So in the material world there is no love. It is impossible. There is little, little example, just like I cited the example of mother and son or similar. That is also temporary. But real love is in the spiritual... That is Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa. That is real love. There is no separation. There is no cheating. There is no divorce. There is no sex attraction. Simply for love's sake, loving, that is real love.
So in the material world there cannot be prema. Prema means love. The prema is only possible in the spiritual world. Here, what is going on as love, that is not love, that is lust. A boy loves a girl, a girl loves a boy. That is not love, that is lust. As soon as there is some disturbance in lusty affair, they divorce. So therefore that is not love. So we should note it, that so-called love is bogus in this material world. Love cannot be possible. This very word love, prema, is specially reserved for Kṛṣṇa. Premā pum-artho mahān. That is Caitanya Mahāprabhu's preaching, that the highest perfection of life is to evoke one's dormant love for Kṛṣṇa.
Similarly, our, this advancement of science, increasing the duration of life, increasing the sex power especially in these days ... As soon as there is lack of sex power, there is divorce suit. Yes. But you have seen the dogs and cats. How much sex power they have got! So begetting children, the hog can beget children, at least three dozen a year. What we can do? In three years it is hardly we can produce one child. And the hog will produce in three years at least thirty-six children.
Prabhupāda: That's all right. So our Hare Kṛṣṇa will be advertised. (laughter) People will be inquisitive, "What is this Hare Kṛṣṇa?" at least. One who does not know. That is good.
Śyāmasundara: Because nobody believes in John Lennon anymore either.
Prabhupāda: How long it will go bluffing?
Śyāmasundara: He is losing his...
Prabhupāda: Popularity.
Śyāmasundara: His popularity. People are becoming disappointed because formerly he was very brilliant songwriter, but now it's become very degraded.
Pradyumna: He formerly was married before, and he had family I think. But then he divorced to marry...
Prabhupāda: Not divorce. The contract is her former husband should live also. She has got double husband. He is living there along with him. I know that.
Śyāmasundara: Cox.
Prabhupāda: Cox. He is living there.
Devotee: Simply insanity. Insanity.
Prabhupāda: Insanity. Yes. He is the manager. What manager? He has got motorcycle and goes round. He must be given some post. And he has also married another?
In the Twelfth Canto you will find this description, svīkāra eva ca udvāhe—all these predictions are there. "Marriage will be done simply by agreement." Now it is... Just see. It is being done. Svīkāra eva. Svīkāra means agreement: "I accept you." No actual marriage ceremony is performed. Practically marriage is going out of date. So these symptoms are there. Dāmpatye ratim eva hi. Husband and wife's relations will be stronger if there is sex power. That's all. Otherwise divorce. Just see the symptoms. Dāmpatye ratim... Sūtratam... Sūtrate... Vipra. Vipratve sūtra-dhāraṇam: "A brāhmaṇa means having a piece of thread, that's all." Vipratve sūtra-dhāraṇam. And only two-paisa worth sūtra will... Just like in India: "Oh, I am brāhmaṇa because I have got this thread." That's all.
Just like formerly there was marriage, child marriage—a small boy, a small girl. But simply by association the girl understands how to serve the husband and the husband also understand how to give protection to the wife, and mostly, the life was very pleasing, happy. From the very beginning she knows, "Here is my husband," and he knows, "Here is my wife." At least we have seen in our India. There is no question of separation. There is no question of divorce. The love is there from the very beginning. The propensity was there and immediately the object of love is there. A girl has got husband; a husband has got a wife. So the love continues spontaneously.
Now, this Devahūti's position is a perfect woman. She got good father, she got good husband, and she got excellent son. So woman has got three stages in life. Man has got ten stages. These three stages mean that when she is younger, she must live under the protection of father. Just like Devahūti when she was grown up, young, she proposed her father that "I want to marry that gentleman, that yogi." And the father also offered. So, so long she was not married she remained under the protection of the father. And when she was married she remained with the yogi husband. And she was troubled in so many ways because she was princess, daughter of king. And this yogi, he was in a cottage, no food, no shelter, nothing of the sort. So she had to suffer. She never said that "I am king's daughter. I was raised in so opulent condition of life. Now I have got a husband who cannot give me a nice apartment, nice food. Divorce him." No. That was never done. That is not the position. "Any way my husband may be, whatever he may be, because I have accepted some gentleman as my husband I must look to his comforts, and whatever his position, it doesn't matter." This is the duty of the woman. But that is Vedic instruction. Nowadays, as soon as there is little discrepancy, disagreement-divorce. Find out another husband. No. She remained. And then she got the nicest child, Personality of Godhead, Kapila. So this is the three stages. Woman should aspire first of all, by his (her) karma one is given the place under a suitable father, and then under suitable husband, and then produce a nice child like Kapiladeva.
And dāmpatya kalahe caiva. And fight between or quarrel between husband and wife. In India, there is no question of divorce. So nobody takes very serious care when there is fight between husband and wife. So there also: "I'm going to immediately leave you, going to kill you..." and so many things. But after an hour, everything is finished. No more quarrel. Dāmpatya kalahe caiva prabhāte megha-garjane. And in the morning, if you see big cloud assembly and thundering sound, but you rest assured. There will be no rain in the morning. So these things are bahvārambhe laghu kriyā. Ārambha, beginning is very gorgeous. But end is nothing. So that is not good, bahvārambhe laghu kriyā.
This human life is meant for rectification. We are serving somebody, and we are not happy. We have got very good example in our country, in many other countries. Just like our Mahātmā Gandhi, he served his country very well, but the result was that his countrymen killed him. This is the result of our service. Nobody will appreciate. We are serving our family. The wife is not satisfied; (s)he divorces the husband. The son is not satisfied; he goes out of home. So just analyze that we are serving to our best capacity, but nobody is satisfied. This is our position. Kāmādīnāṁ katidhā na katidhā pālitā durnideśā. Actually we are serving our senses. I love my wife because she satisfies my senses. I love my husband because he satisfies my senses. Actually, we are servant of our senses. As soon as the sense gratification is disturbed, then "No, no, I am not going to serve you." Or "I am not satisfied with your service. You go away. I go away." This is our position.
Here in this material world there is no love because the man and woman, they have no idea that "I mix with the man, the man who satisfies desires with me." No. "I will satisfy my desires." This is the basic principle. The man is thinking that "Mixing with this woman, I'll satisfy my sense desire," and woman is thinking that "By mixing with this man, I shall satisfy my desire." Therefore it is very prominent in the Western countries, as soon as there is difficulty in personal sense gratification, immediately divorce. This is the psychological, why so many divorces in this country. The root cause is that "As soon as I don't find satisfaction, then I don't want." That is stated in the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam: dāṁ-patyaṁ ratim eva hi. In this age, husband and wife means sex satisfaction, personal. There is no question of that "We shall live together; we shall satisfy Kṛṣṇa by being trained up how to satisfy Kṛṣṇa." That is Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement. Don't do anything for your personal sense gratification. Do everything for Kṛṣṇa's sense gratification.
Here we keep one Lakṣmī, but as soon as there is any little discrepancy, the Lakṣmī immediately becomes angry and there is divorce. Practically there is no respect from the side of Lakṣmī to the so-called daridra-nārāyaṇa. But there, thousands and thousands of Lakṣmīs are very respectfully serving the Lord. You'll read in the story of Rukmiṇī, the prime Lakṣmī of Lord Kṛṣṇa. One day Kṛṣṇa was a little joking, and she took it very seriously, and she immediately fainted. So much respect. "Oh, Kṛṣṇa might be thinking of leaving me." So she fainted immediately.
. So how you can expect good government? It is not possible. Why they should be bothering about people's happiness? They want to occupy big, big ministerial post to enjoy their life. Therefore the position of the whole world is so deteriorated because there is no ideal man. All rogues, thieves, I mean to say, in very fallen condition. Therefore people are deteriorating. Dāmpatye ratim eva hi. These will be the signs of Kali-yuga. Dāmpata means husband and wife. Their relation will stand so long they satisfy one another by sex, rati. Rati means sex. Dāmpate ratim eva hi. And as soon as there is sex disturbance: divorce—"I don't want you." Vipratve sūtram eva hi: "A brāhmaṇa means one, two paisa thread." That's all. "A sannyāsī means a rod." These are the explanations. And a very expert man means kuṭumba, dākṣyaṁ kuṭumba-bharaṇam. If anyone can maintain a family—family means one wife and one or two children—then he is to be considered very expert, successful because... Therefore you will find in these days—no wife, no children, no family.
So similarly, the example is given by Rūpa Gosvāmī, the hankering. He has given very nice example. Just like a young man is hankering after young woman. Natural. That is not artificial. Or a young woman is hankering after a young man. This hankering... Therefore, according to Vedic system, before the hankering becomes madly and one becomes spoiled by sex indulgence, he should be married. This is the psychology. At a certain age, twelve, thirteen years, woman, and fifteen, sixteen years, man, they become very, very much sexually hankering. Therefore the system is that at that time, psychological moment, the young girl and young boy should be married so that unity will endure. It will never break. There will be no more divorce. But when the hankering is exploited, then the whole life is spoiled. So Rūpa Gosvāmī is giving this example, that "When my hankering will be like the young man, young woman, hankering after one another?" It is very practically given. Yugāyitaṁ nimeṣeṇa cakṣuṣa prāvṛṣāyitam śūnyāyitam jagat sarvam. When that hankering is there, he sees everything vacant. This is psychological. So Kṛṣṇa is, can be seen. It is not that Kṛṣṇa cannot be seen. He can be... He is present everywhere. Āṇḍāntara-sthaṁ paramāṇu-cayāntara-stham. He is not only within this universe, but He is within your heart. He is within the atom. Why you cannot see Kṛṣṇa? Because you have no eyes to see Him. That is the difficulty. Premāñjana-cchurita. That eyes can be prepared by the smearing the ointment of love.
Māyā means false dealing. Vyāvahāre. Even in ordinary dealing there will be cheating and faultiness, even in ordinary. Even you go to purchase something from a store, oh, there is false dealing. Dāmpatye. Strītve puṁstve ca hi ratiḥ. And strītve, a husband and wife will agree so long they are sexually strong. That's all. Strītve puṁstve ca hi ratiḥ. Ratiḥ means sex. Formerly it was not the system. The husband and wife combined together as life companion. Even the husband becomes diseased and paralyzed, the wife cannot give, give him up. "Oh, he is my husband." Similarly, wife. Either she becomes diseased or so many things, the husband and wife combined together for life. There was no question of divorce. There was no question of divorce, even they do not like each other, even they fight. Fight there must be, whenever there are two men or woman. That is individuality. Therefore Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says, dāmpatye kālahe caiva bambhārambhe laghu-kriya. Whenever there is fight between husband and wife, it should be neglected. The formula of Cāṇakya Paṇḍita is given like this: Aja-yuddhe. When the goats are fighting, as it is very insignificant... If you understand that in the door two goats are fighting, you don't care for it. You see, a goat fight. So aja-yuddhe muni-śraddhe. And some sages are performing śraddhā ceremony. Śraddhā ceremony means after the death of one's father and mother there is great ceremony and the son spends lots of money. The father spends lots of money during the marriage ceremony of the boy and the girl, and the boy spends lots of money after the death of the father and mother. That is the system, Hindu system.
In the morning if there is thundering sound in the cloud, you should know it will not rain. It will never rain. That thundering may be very loud, but there will be no rain. That means you can neglect. As you can neglect the fight between two goats, as you can take not seriously the śraddhā ceremony of muni, as you do not take very seriously the thundering sound of the cloud in the morning, similarly, dāmpatye kālahe caiva, similarly, whenever there is fight between husband and wife, you should take like that. Don't take it seriously. But at the modern civilization, the husband and wife quarrel is taken so seriously that immediately they go to the court and there is filing of divorce, and the combination, the married life, dissolved, and both are unhappy. And this psychology is, as it is stated... I do not know, but probably it is right, that disagreement between husband and wife is due to sex difficulty. That's all. It is clearly stated here. Either the husband or the wife, if there is not complete sex satisfaction, one of them must be very unhappy, and disagreement and dissolution...
Nectar of Devotion Lectures
A servant is very faithful so long you pay. As soon as you stop payment, no more service. Finished. Therefore it is to be understood that the love with Kṛṣṇa in the platform of mādhurya-rasa, vātsalya-rasa, sākhya-rasa, dāsya-rasa, śānta-rasa, that is the real platform, in the spiritual world. And because the love affairs are there in the Absolute, that is reflected in this relative world. And here is also the same love is there, but it is not very palatable. It is not without any fault. There are so many faults. Therefore real love can be reciprocated with Kṛṣṇa. In the material world, there cannot be any real love. Therefore the real love cannot be appreciated with our, this material senses. Whatever we appreciate or experience by the material senses, that is not love, that is lust. Motive. There is some motive. One is friend of another person, very intimate friends, both of them have got some motive. As soon as the motive is frustrated, they separate. These things, we find. Even husband and wife, as soon as the sense gratification is disturbed, immediately there is divorce between husband and wife.
What is the difference between kāma and... Kāma means lust; and love. Kāma and prema. Prema is love, and kāma is lust. It appears similar. In the material world, lust is going on in the name of love. A boy loves a girl, a girl loves a boy, but actually the boy also wants sense gratification and the girls also want sense gratification. That is not love. As soon as there is any difficulty in sense gratification, immediately there is divorce. So there is no love. There is only lust. In the material world there is no love.
In the material world, suppose a boy loves a girl and a girl loves a boy. That is personal sense gratification. As soon as the personal sense gratification is not satisfied, immediately the so-called love is divorced. No more love. In the Kali-yuga, it is stated in the śāstras, dāmpatye ratim eva hi. In... Love between husband and wife will be disturbed as soon as there is no satisfaction of sex desires. Dāmpatye ratim eva hi. And in the Western countries, we find... In our country also, it has already begun; there are so many divorce cases. Mostly the divorce cases take place when there is disturbance in sex, sex satisfaction. So that is lust. But here, in the case of Kṛṣṇa and gopīs, that is different thing. The gopīs used to dress themselves so that Kṛṣṇa will feel satisfied, satisfaction. For Kṛṣṇa's satisfaction. They used to dress for Kṛṣṇa's satisfaction. That is, of course, very difficult to understand. But we should learn from the śāstras. The gopīs had no sense gratification desire. They wanted to satisfy Kṛṣṇa.
Sri Caitanya-caritamrta Lectures
We are attached to the love of this material world, but we are all disappointed. From everyone's experience, you'll find. Everyone is disappointed. Both sides, the lover and the beloved, both sides. You have got very good experience in this country. They marry, again they are divorced, because disappointed. So this is going on. Therefore our love has to be reposed to Kṛṣṇa. That is the recommendation of Caitanya Mahāprabhu. Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, premā pumartho mahān. Pumartho, we want some achievement in this life. Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "Achieve love of Godhead. That is the best." Premā pumartho mahān. So this Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement is for that purpose, how we can develop our love for Kṛṣṇa. The love is already there, but it is misplaced, misplaced. Somebody is loving somebody, somebody is loving somebody, but it is misplaced. Real love, if it is executed for the service of the Lord, then our life is successful.
In the Bhāgavata you'll find, svīkāra eva hy udhvāhe: "In the Kali-yuga, marriage will be performed simply by agreement." Just see. Another... Lāvaṇyaṁ keśa-dhāraṇam: "People will think by keeping long hairs they will be very beautiful." It is stated in Bhāgavata. They'll look very beautiful. Lāvaṇyaṁ keśa-dhāraṇam. It is written there if you see. It is not story. Svīkāra eva hy udvāhe. Dāmpatye ratim eva hi: "And husband and wife relation means sex. That's all." If the husband has got sex power, then there will be no divorce. These are all written there. Simply sex life, husband and wife relationship. Simply sex life. Vipratve sūtram eva hi: "And one will be considered a brāhmaṇa simply by this thread." These are all written there. A two-cent-worth thread, you get it..., "Oh, you have got thread. Oh, you are a brāhmaṇa." That's all.
Arrival Addresses and Talks
Reporter: You say you have no connection with your family?
Prabhupāda: No.
Reporter: Why?
Prabhupāda: Because I have taken sannyāsa. I have dedicated my life for Kṛṣṇa. That is the Vedic system, that certain portion of your life should simply dedicate for God. That is called sannyāsa.
Reporter: To do this, did you have to divorce?
Prabhupāda: No. There is no question of. We do not know what is divorce. In our country there is no divorce, at least in Hindu law. Yes. Wife and husband, once combined, that is for life. There is no question of separation, in all circumstances. Either in distress or in happiness, there is no question of separation. Now our modern politicians, they have introduced this divorce law. Otherwise, according to Hindu, Manu-saṁhitā, there is no divorce law.
Initiation Lectures
Prabhupāda: Then you say that "Jadurāṇī, I take charge of your life so long I shall live," in this way.
Satsvarūpa: Jadurāṇī, I take charge of your life so long I shall live.
Prabhupāda: And you say that "I shall render my services unto you throughout my life. Throughout my life." Yes.
Jadurāṇī: I shall render my service to you throughout my life.
Prabhupāda: And there is no separation. It is... There is no question of divorce or separation. In any condition of life, happiness or distress, you shall continue as husband and wife, because our main business is Kṛṣṇa consciousness. This marriage is not material marriage for sense gratification. But because there are girls and boys and we require also Kṛṣṇa conscious population, therefore we encourage this marriage. It is not for sense gratification. So in this way there is no question of separation or divorce. You admit this? Yes. You also admit this? Then you change your garland.
So this marriage ceremony is not for sense gratification. We should always remember. It is helping one another. The husband will help the wife, the wife will help the husband, so that both of them become advanced in Kṛṣṇa consciousness and make their human life perfect. So there is no question of divorce. There is no question of separation. Because divorce, separation, these are meant for sense gratification. As soon as there is some lack of sense gratification, there is immediately divorce or separation. No. Here there is no such question. So our, this new bride and bridegroom should always remember that in any condition of life they should remain together. And that will be possible if they concentrate their ideas to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Then it will be possible. Otherwise māyā will attack in so many ways and cause disruption in so many ways. So our... We are taking part in this marriage ceremony not like ordinary marriage. It is for making progress in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. You should always remember that this marriage has no separation, no divorce. Lifetime. The husband will help the wife, the wife will help. There are so many things, duties of the wife. There are so many things, duty of the husband. And if they properly execute their respective duties and engage themselves simply in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, the life will be very happy, and not only in this life, next life also. So take this opportunity, be happy. I want to see... Sarve sukhena bhavantu. That is the Vedic mission. Let everyone become happy. Sarve sukhena bhavantu. Let everyone be happy. And without being happy, nobody can execute Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
Indian guest: Swamijī, (Hindi or Bengali)
Prabhupāda: (Hindi or Bengali) brahmacārī. (Hindi or Bengali) illicit sex. Illicit sex, (Hindi or Bengali)... one should not have more than one woman or one man. That is nice. And therefore in the human society there is marriage. Not in the animal society. Married means that one should be satisfied with one woman and one man. That's all. And there is no question of divorce. Divorce is introduced by the modern rascals, but it is not sanctioned by any religious person. You see? So we are observing these rules: no illicit sex life, no meat-eating, no intoxication, no gambling. So all my students, they strictly follow these rules, and therefore they're advancing so quickly. Yes. You see the advancement so quickly because they follow my instruction. They follow very obedient, and they have therefore, by grace of Kṛṣṇa... Yasya deve parā bhaktir yathā deve tathā gurau (ŚU 6.23).
So our marriage, Kṛṣṇa consciousness institution encouraging marriage, on this ground: not to produce cats and dogs, but to produce highly qualified devotees. So you should always remember that. And there is no... Once married, there is no question of divorce or separation. That you should remember. We don't allow any divorce and separation. The husband and wife, there may be sometimes disagreement, but according to Vedic literature, when there is fight or disagreement between husband and wife, it should be neglected. Nobody take it seriously.
Prabhupāda: The Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says,
- aja-yuddhe muni-śrāddhe prabhate megha-ḍumbare
- dampatiḥ kalahe caiva bāmbhārambhe laghu-kriyā
Aja-yuddhe: "Fighting of the goats, and a śraddhā ceremony performed by the sages in the forest, and sounding in the sky, vibration of cloud, rumbling of the cloud early in the morning, and similarly, fight between husband and wife-don't take it seriously." You have got experience that rumbling early in the morning—never there is heavy shower of rain. There may be very great rumbling, but the result is very small, maybe some drizzling. Similarly, a husband and wife may fight, but if you don't give them any seriousness, they'll mitigate. That is the process. But in the Western countries, in the name of liberty, so many family lives are dismantled simply by this divorce case. So according to Vedic civilization, there is no divorce. Once united, it cannot be disunited in any condition of life. That you should follow. That is our first. So I think you promise this, all of you? Say yes.
Devotees: Yes.
Śyāmasundara: Now, "I, Devadarśana dāsī, (Devadarśana repeating) do from this day henceforward, I do promise to always serve and obey my husband, Sanaka dāsa."
Prabhupāda: Now change the garland. Now give her the vermillion, red powder. Cover her head.
Śyāmasundara: Cover her head with the sari.
Prabhupāda: Do like that. Now you come this side.
Śyāmasundara: Now you change places.
Prabhupāda: So you have agreed that there is no question of divorce in your life? In any circumstances you cannot separate. Is that all right? You also agree? You cannot separate. There is no question of divorce. Even if you fight, you can remain in one temple, he can remain, but there is no question of divorce. So take in mind. That's all.
Wedding Ceremonies
So I am a sannyāsī. I have renounced my family life. I have got my children, my grandchildren, I have my wife still living, but I have separated from them. This is called sannyāsa. Why I am taking interest again, this family life of my students? Because I want to see them properly progress towards spiritual life. Therefore, although it is not the business of a sannyāsī to take part in marriage ceremony, in this country, just to save my students, both boys and girls, from sinful activities, I am personally taking interest that they may become good gentleman and lady by marriage. So I am very happy that those boys and girls who have agreed, and they are now married and getting children, and they are feeling very happy. Many of them are present in this meeting. From their face, from their activities, it appears that they are very happy. So in this Kṛṣṇa consciousness society we have got this program that if some boy or girl wants to get married, I help. So this marriage ceremony is today arranged on that principle. But the present bride and bridegroom must know it certainly that this marriage is not for sense gratification. This marriage is for purification of life. So there is no question of divorce. There is no question of separation. So don't get into married life if you have got such propensity. Our first principle is to become Kṛṣṇa conscious, and other things, secondary.
General Lectures
Materialism means sense gratification, and spiritualism means to love God. That's all. Personal sense gratification. Here the relationship is just like a girl or a boy. The so-called love is temporary. That's all. There is no love. As soon as there is some discrepancy of sense gratification, oh, there is separation. There is divorce. There is separation. Because the so-called love is based on sense gratification. That is materialism. And when there is no sense gratification, the satisfaction of the lover only, that is spiritualism. So in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, when your business will be only to satisfy Kṛṣṇa, then you must know that your senses and your body have become spiritualized. Actually, in higher platform, there is nothing material thing. Higher platform means when a person sees nothing but Kṛṣṇa as everything. Even himself, he's also Kṛṣṇa.
All young boys and young girls, they are after joyfulness, but they are being frustrated in this material world. That is the inebriety. The spiritual world means these things are there, but without any inebriety. Here we love. A boy loves a girl; a girl loves... But they are frustrated. After few days it is broken. Or if it is married, then again there is divorce. He finds another husband; she finds out another... Like that. These things are not there. Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa, the love of Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa is never broken. Never broken. That is the significance of the spiritual... They are eternally enjoying the loving affairs. And if you qualify yourself, then you leave this material world, this interaction of the modes of material nature, and be implicated in such things and you become free, that is Kṛṣṇa consciousness. It is very nice. Try to understand Kṛṣṇa consciousness. As soon as you become Kṛṣṇa conscious perfectly, you are no longer living in this material world. You are in the spiritual world.
A man is hankering after another woman, and the woman is hankering after another man. This is the basic principle of material life. Puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etam. Mithunī-bhāvam means sex. Tayor mitho hrdaya-granthim. And when they actually come into sexual life, each one of them becomes too much attracted. Hṛdaya-granthim. Granthi means very hard knot: "I cannot leave you." He says, "I cannot leave you. You are my life and soul," and she says, "You are my life and soul." For a few days. (laughs) And then again divorce. You see? But the beginning is there. Basic principle of material attraction is this sex life. This is general. Those who have organized the sex life in social convention in so many ways... The marriage is also another convention to give a very finishing nice touch than the animal. That's all. Just like sometimes it is said marriage is legalized prostitution. So for social convention the marriage is a license, but it is also based on the sex life. But for keep up social life, one has to accept some regulative principle. Therefore sex life like animals and sex life in marriage, there is difference. It is better. That is accepted in civilized world.
Dāmpatye, husband and relationship, husband and wife, means sex power. We have practically seen in the Western countries, as soon as there is some disturbance in the sex relation of husband and wife, there is divorce. So that, these are the symptoms. Strītve puṁstve ca hi ratir vipratve sūtram eva hi. So man and woman should be united in marriage relationship simply on sex urge, not on the religious principle. That we have seen.
Kṛṣṇa is also good lover of the animals, calves and cows. As we love here dogs and cats, Kṛṣṇa loves there cows and calves. You have seen the picture of Kṛṣṇa. So the propensity to love even an animal is there. Otherwise how it can be reflected here? This is simply shadow reflection. If, in the reality, there is nothing like that, then how it can be reflected here? So everything is there. Therefore, that mellow, to understand, you have to practice. Here we have got frustration. Here we love. A man loves a woman or woman loves a man. But there is frustration. After some time, they are separated, they divorce, because it is perverted reflection. There is no real love in this material world. It is simply lust. Real love is in the spiritual world between Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa. Real love is between Kṛṣṇa and the gopīs. Real love, the friendship is there between Kṛṣṇa and His cowherds boys. Real love between animal and man is there. Kṛṣṇa is loving the cows and calves. Real love between trees, flowers, water, simply that is the platform of love. That is spiritual world. Everything love.
Philosophy Discussions
Prabhupāda: Yes. So here is a perpetual conflict with māyā. Daivī hy eṣā guṇa-mayī mama māyā duratyayā (BG 7.14). This is a fight against, māyā is putting impediments, what I think it is right, māyā is breaking it.
Śyāmasundara: That's what he sees in it, the irrational.
Prabhupāda: Hitler's plan, Nazism, in so many ways, māyā has broke it into pieces. The Britishers, they also found the British empire, and māyā broke it. Roman empire... So, this frustration. But we are so fooled that in spite of repeated frustration, we are still trying to do the same thing. That is explained in the Bhāgavata, punaḥ punaś carvita-carvaṇānām (SB 7.5.30), chewing the chewed. Chewing the chewed. He has been frustrated in so many ways, in sexual life, divorce this wife, again another accept, another wife. So what is the another wife? The same thing, sex, but he is making he is (indistinct): "Now again another." That is very nicely experienced in your country. In a year, three times divorce, three times accepting. That is named carvita-carvaṇānām, chewing the chewed. He should have experienced that "I am changing, but what is the change? The same sex life. So what is the use of changing?" But he has no intelligence. Punaḥ punaś carvita-carvaṇānām (SB 7.5.30). His business has become like that.
| Page Title: | Divorce (Lectures) |
| Compiler: | Visnu Murti, Alakananda |
| Created: | 05 of Jul, 2010 |
| Totals by Section: | BG=0, SB=0, CC=0, OB=0, Lec=57, Con=0, Let=0 |
| No. of Quotes: | 57 |