Dear to... (Conversations)

Expressions researched:
"dear to" |"endear" |"endeared" |"endearing" |"endearment"

Notes from the compiler: VedaBase query: "dear to"or endear or endeared or endearing or endearment not "dear to krsna" not "dear to krishna" not "dear to lord krsna"

1971 Conversations and Morning Walks

Discussion with Indians -- January 18, 1971, Allahabad:

Prabhupāda: ...a bona fide spiritual master. Bona fide spiritual master means who carries out the order of higher authorities. Otherwise he is not spiritual master. Anyone who manufactures his own process of religion, that is rascaldom. dharmāṁ tu sakṣād bhagavat-praṇitam (SB 6.3.19). Just like lawyer, representative of the law, means who carries the order of the supreme executive. He is lawyer. Similarly, a spiritual master means who carries the order of superior authority. We are carrying the order of Caitanya Mahāprabhu or Kṛṣṇa. Kṛṣṇa taught this Bhagavad-gītā, and He has said that "Anyone who will preach this confidential message of Bhagavad-gītā, he is very dear to Me."

Guest (1): (indistinct) ...and believers in Sai Baba and other we believe in an incorporeal God, nirākāra. So if Kṛṣṇa as Rāma or any other deity or devata, one who was definitely a superior ātman, no doubt about it, but Paramātman is all other religions' God, if something incorporeal is there, without referring to the...

Prabhupāda: Who says, "incorporeal"? Who says?

Guest (1): It is scripture. (?)

Prabhupāda: No, no. Who says, "incorporeal"?

Guest (1): Śiva-liṅga. You find it all over India, that, a summary of everything, that incorporeal form, jyotir-rūpa, incorporeal. Jyotir-liṅga, the Hindu svarūpa.

Prabhupāda: That's all right. You are bringing something else besides Bhagavad-gītā. Just try to understand. We are preaching... This International Society for Krishna Consciousness, we are preaching...

1973 Conversations and Morning Walks

Room Conversation -- February 25, 1973, Jakarta:

Prabhupāda: Next verse.

Devotee: Na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu kaścin me priya-kṛttamaḥ, bhavitā na ca me tasmād anyaḥ priyataro bhuvi (BG 18.69). "There is no servant in this world more dear to Me than he. Nor will there ever be one more dear."

Prabhupāda: Those who are preachers.

Devotee: Yes.

Prabhupāda: These are the (indistinct). (Hindi) If you want to be very intimately related... You're already related, but intimately... then this is the process. (Hindi) This is the real (Hindi) This is the real (Hindi) Your brother-in-law did not come? Eh? (Hindi conversation for some minutes) (end)

1974 Conversations and Morning Walks

Morning Walk -- February 23, 1974, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: And similarly, similarly, guru also—no within, no without. Otherwise how we can say, sākṣād-dharitvena. Directly, if you make distinction, how he can be directly?

Dr. Patel: Within, without is (indistinct).

Prabhupāda: Kintu prabhor yaḥ priya eva tasya. But he has attained that position on account of his being very, very dear to God. Because doing God's work. Eh? God says, "Surrender unto Me." Guru is preaching... That is real guru. He's preaching, "Surrender to Kṛṣṇa." He'll never say, "Surrender unto Me."

Dr. Patel: No guru says so.

Prabhupāda: All rascals says. All rascals say.

Dr. Patel: But rascals are not gurus.

Prabhupāda: No, no. The gurus, so-called gurus, there are. These Māyāvādīs, all they say. "I am God."

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Nārāyaṇa.

Prabhupāda: "Let me now have rāsa dance. Send your children. Send your wife, send your daughter. We'll dance." These are all rascals, Māyāvādīs. Māyāvādī-bhāṣya śunile haya sarva-nāśa (CC Madhya 6.169). This is the statement of Caitanya Mahāprabhu. As soon as one hears the statement of Māyāvādī, he's doomed, finished. He's finished.

Morning Walk -- March 14, 1974, Vrndavana:

Prabhupāda: Hm.

Madhudviṣa: Kṛṣṇa says, Ya idaṁ paramaṁ guhyam (Bg 18.68).

Prabhupāda: Hm.

Madhudviṣa: He says, "Those who repeat this message of Bhagavad-gītā, are most dear friends to me, and there's no one more dear to Me than he..."

Prabhupāda: Hm.

Madhudviṣa: Wouldn't that indicate that a preacher is higher than a worker?

Prabhupāda: Yes, this is preaching, this is preaching. You help. Suppose you are preaching, and if I help you... Just like I'm preaching, you're helping. You are also preaching.

Ātreya Ṛṣi: Also this building is preaching.

Prabhupāda: This is also preaching. So it is not that preaching means simply talking. Preaching means everything. The construction is also preaching. The designing is also preaching. Everything is... Otherwise what is the use of spending so much money if it is not preaching?

Devotee: Jaya.

Haṁsadūta: Yeah. (break) Everything that has to do with propagating Kṛṣṇa...

Morning Walk -- March 31, 1974, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: Yes, yes. Jijñāsu is the beginner, and jñānī is realized. Jñānī is realized. Therefore he's better. But that jñānī does not mean that "I have become God." One who is situated in bhakti-yoga. Eka-bhaktiḥ.

Mr. Sar: Eka-bhaktiḥ.

Dr. Patel: "He is dear to Me, and I am dear to him." Jñānī.

Prabhupāda: Yes.

Dr. Patel: But He is dear to everyone, and everyone is dear to Him.

Prabhupāda: No, especially. Especially. Just like you have got many students. One is very intelligent. You take care of him especially. Therefore... The jñānī is intelligent. Therefore He takes care.

Mr. Sar: Udārāḥ sarva evaite jñānī tv ātmaiva me matam (BG 7.18).

Dr. Patel: That is very important.

Prabhupāda: Everything is important.

Dr. Patel: Jñānī tva ātmaiva me matam.

Prabhupāda: Yes, "Because he has accepted Me after full knowledge, nobody can defeat him. Therefore he is My ātmā." Especially.

Morning Walk -- June 9, 1974, Paris:

Prabhupāda: So there is no coconut tree, mango tree, banana tree. Huh? These are all useless tree, simply for becoming fuel. That's all. They're also condemned. Yes. Sinful trees. There are pious trees and sinful trees. Hare Kṛṣṇa Hare Kṛṣṇa... (pause) We have to go straight? (pause) This park is bigger than that Golden Gate Park?

Bhagavān: Oh yeah.

Prabhupāda: Eh? (pause)

Puṣṭa-kṛṣṇa: Kṛṣṇa says that "One who is always active within is very dear to Me." Does this mean we should struggle to keep our minds engaged all the time in Kṛṣṇa's service.

Prabhupāda: Active within? Active within?

Puṣṭa-kṛṣṇa: "Active within."

Prabhupāda: What is that, "active within"?

Puṣṭa-kṛṣṇa: It is in the Third Chapter of Bhagavad-gītā.

Prabhupāda: "Active within." What is that "active within"?

Puṣṭa-kṛṣṇa: Thinking of Kṛṣṇa.

Prabhupāda: That is very good. Yoginām api sarveṣāṁ mad-gatenāntarātmanā. Yes. We should be always active in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, within or without. That is wanted. Antar bahiḥ.

Morning Walk -- June 13, 1974, Paris:

Prabhupāda: Therefore those who do not take risk, they do not remain within this material world. They go to the Himalaya, go to the forest. They are afraid of being contaminated. But more liberal devotees, they take the risk and "Never mind, I shall go to hell. Let me do something for Kṛṣṇa. Let others may understand something of Kṛṣṇa." That is their, mean magnanimity, taking the risk of going to hell, still, giving the information, "Just try to understand Kṛṣṇa." So such persons are exalted. Because they are taking their own risk to serve Kṛṣṇa. That at least one man may understand Kṛṣṇa. And others, they are flying, flying away, fleeing away, "No, no. We are not going to take risk."

Puṣṭa-kṛṣṇa: Kṛṣṇa says that there's no one more dear to Me than...

Prabhupāda: Goṣṭhyānandī and bhajanānandī. Bhajanānandī means they are interested for their own welfare, and goṣṭhyānandī, he wants to see that more devotees are there. That is the difference.

Paramahaṁsa: Actually, Prahlāda Mahārāja said that he's not feeling any anxiety for himself...

Prabhupāda: Yes, yes, yes.

Paramahaṁsa: He's feeling anxiety that they're not taking to Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

Prabhupāda: They're... And, on account of his being so, taking the risk, he is immediately very dear to Kṛṣṇa. That is declared in the Bhagavad-gītā, na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu kaścin me priya-kṛttamaḥ (BG 18.69). "Anyone who is trying to broadcast My message, My glory, he immediately, there is no more dearer than him anyone." So one should take this risk.

Room Conversation -- June 28, 1974, Melbourne:

Prabhupāda: "Worship of God, Viṣṇu, is the highest, topmost method of worship. And greater than the topmost worship is to worship Viṣṇu's paraphernalia. Viṣṇu's devotee, Viṣṇu's temple, Viṣṇu's dear..." Just like we worship tulasī. Why? Because it is very dear to Viṣṇu. Tadīyānām. Viṣṇu likes, Kṛṣṇa likes. When, patraṁ puṣpaṁ phalaṁ toyam (BG 9.26), the tulasī leaf is offered to Kṛṣṇa, He becomes very pleased. Therefore we love tulasī. Because He likes. In common word they say, "If you love me, love my dog." I have seen people do that. One man is going with his dog. His friends meet, and if the friends pat the dog, the man becomes pleased. Is it not?

Devotee: Yes.

Prabhupāda: Yes. So... Just like if you have got your child on your lap, if some friends come and takes your child and pats him and kisses him, then you become pleased, immediately. "Oh, this gentleman loves my child so much." Similarly, if a Vaiṣṇava, a devotee, is respected, then Kṛṣṇa is more pleased. Therefore it is called, yasya prasādād bhagavat-prasādaḥ **. The respectful to guru makes easier to receive mercy from God. Yasya prasādād bhagavat-prasādaḥ **. What is the meaning?

Satsvarūpa: "By the mercy of the spiritual master, one gets the blessings of Kṛṣṇa."

Prabhupāda: Yes. Because Kṛṣṇa is immediately pleased. "Oh, he's obedient and respectful to My devotee." It is in the same way, "Oh, he loves my child so much. He loves my dog." Dog is not qualified. But because the gentleman's dog is loved, the gentleman is pleased. This is counteractive. Similarly, a pure devotee, representative of God, if he is offered respect, that respect goes to God.

1975 Conversations and Morning Walks

Room Conversation with Indian Guests -- March 13, 1975, Tehran:

Nitai:

na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu

kaścin me priya-kṛttamaḥ

bhavitā na ca me tasmād

anyaḥ priyataro bhuvi

(BG 18.69)

"There is no servant in this world more dear to Me than he, nor will there ever be anyone more dear."

Prabhupāda: So this is the easiest process, that you learn Bhagavad-gītā. Don't misinterpret. There is no question of misinterpretation. They, by their, what is called, crippled mind, they misinterpret. Otherwise there is no question of. Where is the difficulty to understand? So Kṛṣṇa says, "Anyone who preaches this Kṛṣṇa philosophy, He is My dearmost person." So if you are recognized by Kṛṣṇa, then that is saṁsiddhiḥ hari-toṣaṇam. That is wanted. Boliye. Any question? (Pause) No question? Tad viddhi praṇipātena paripraśnena sevayā (BG 4.34). There must be paripraśna, yes or no?

Indian man (3): Well, the question was the satisfaction of the God, that we satisfy our Lord. Now, what are the means to satisfy the Lord?

Prabhupāda: That He says: that you preach, you become guru. That is already explained. Ya idaṁ paramaṁ guhyaṁ mad-bhakteṣu abhidhāsyati (Bg 18.68). That is... He says, man-manā bhava mad-bhakto mad-yājī māṁ namaskuru (BG 18.65). Everything is there. Where is the difficulty? If I say that "You do this. I will (be) satisfied," you do that; you will satisfy me. What is the difficulty?

Indian man (4): And the part where you, which you said to preach Kṛṣṇa's... to attain the satisfaction of..., but what you have already said, that one should first know himself first, basic...

Prabhupāda: Himself?

Room Conversation with Indian Guests -- March 13, 1975, Tehran:

Prabhupāda: Yes, yes. The satisfaction is the point. So just like the head of the family, he is asking his wife to do something, children to do something, servant to do something. So if they are doing according to the order, then it is very nice. The head of the family is satisfied, and everything is going nicely. Anywhere, in office also. There are different officers, secretaries, managers, and the director. He has given: "You do this. You do that. You do that. You do that." So if they do their duty, then everything is nice. Just like in your body. Here also we have got different parts. The hand does something, the leg something, the belly something, the brain something. What the brain does, the leg does not do. But the leg is doing for the satisfaction of the whole body. The brain is doing for the satisfaction of the whole body. Hand is doing for the satisfaction of the whole body. That is required, not that what is brain doing, the leg has to do the same. The leg may do his own way, but the aim is satisfaction of the order of the... I ask the leg, "Please take me from this room to that room." That is leg's duty. I am satisfied. So not that Kṛṣṇa is only one-sided. That they do not understand. Kṛṣṇa is the īśvara, controller of the whole creation. So if He gives you something to do for His satisfaction, you do that. It does not matter whether you are doing the same thing. The same example: Leg is doing something else than the hand, hand is doing something else than the brain, but the real purpose is to satisfy the whole. So Kṛṣṇa is not asking Vyāsadeva to come and fight in the battlefield of Kurukṣetra. Vyāsadeva is doing his own work. He is writing literature, Vedavyāsa. He is asking Arjuna to fight. But although the activities are different-Vyāsadeva is writing Vedānta-sūtra, and Arjuna is fighting—but both of them are equally important. Kṛṣṇa says Arjuna, bhakto 'si: "You are My very dear friend," and priyo 'si (BG 4.3), "Therefore I shall speak to you about this Bhagavad-gītā." Kṛṣṇa did not say, "Call Vyāsadeva. I have to speak Bhagavad-gītā. He is learned scholar." No. Arjuna was not a learned scholar; he was a warrior. And he was a gṛhastha, busy in politics. Still, He called Arjuna, "Yes, I shall speak to you Bhagavad-gītā." Why? Bhakto 'si: "You are My devotee." So to become devotee doesn't require that one has to become very big scholar or very rich man. No. Simply you have to agree, "Yes, Sir, what You say I shall do," that's all. This is bhakta. To become bhakta is not very difficult thing. You simply agree, "Kṛṣṇa, what You say, I shall do," that's all. Kariṣye vacanaṁ tava (BG 18.73). That is, perfection. So Kṛṣṇa wants this. This is the common formula for all. Ya idaṁ paramaṁ guhyaṁ mad-bhakteṣu abhidhāsyati (Bg 18.68). "Anyone who speaks about this Bhagavad-gītā, sarva-dharmān pari..., he is very dear to Me."

Room Conversation -- October 4, 1975, Mauritius:

Cyavana: Would you like to hear this verse?

na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu

kaścin me priya-kṛttamaḥ

bhavitā na ca me tasmād

anyaḥ priyataro bhuvi

(BG 18.69)

"There is no servant in this world more dear to Me than he, nor will there ever be one more dear."

Prabhupāda: Who? Ya idaṁ para...

Puṣṭa Kṛṣṇa: "For one who explains the supreme secret to the devotees, devotional service is guaranteed, and at the end he will come back to me."

Prabhupāda: Yes.

Puṣṭa Kṛṣṇa: Sometimes... I've had one person. He complained, "Why is there no purport for this verse, 'There is no servant in this world more dear to Me than he, nor will there ever be one more dear'?"

Prabhupāda: No purport?

Puṣṭa Kṛṣṇa: Yes. They have mentioned that there is no purport for this verse.

1976 Conversations and Morning Walks

Room Conversation -- January 19, 1976, Mayapur:

Prabhupāda: So why explain? If he is great personality, everyone should know. Why he is trying to explain? What is the use of explanation? If a great personality is unknown, and he has to be known by explanatory notes, then how he is great personality?

Bhavānanda: Just like the President of the United States. He doesn't have to say, "I am the President." Everyone knows.

Prabhupāda: Yes. Go on reading.

Bhavānanda: "...Tīrtha Mahārāja, who was then known as guru-preṣṭha, most dear to his guru, and also known to the disciples of Śrīla Sarasvatī Ṭhākura as Kuñjada, giver of shelter. In all the missionary works and the management of the maṭhas, Śrīla Bhaktivilāsa Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja was the right hand of his Gurudeva. By his constant, unstinted service rendered to Śrīla Prabhupāda, whose most intimate disciple he was, he almost became a counterpart of that great saint."

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Oh. This is not... "Counterpart." Jumping... Trying to equal...

Prabhupāda: So those who are not accepting him, so they are all fools.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: This is very bad, Prabhupāda. It says he wanted to be... He almost became counterpart. That means he is trying to become equal or superior to guru.

Prabhupāda: Superior.

Morning Walk -- March 25, 1976, Delhi:

Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: That's the greatest offense.

Prabhupāda: Yes. Cheating. Cheating Kṛṣṇa. Cheating Kṛṣṇa is no business. That is to be punished. You cannot cheat Kṛṣṇa. But if by accident, knowingly or unknowingly you have done something which is not good, that is excused. Sva-pāda-mūlaṁ bhajataḥ priyasya. If you are actually, because you have given so much service to Kṛṣṇa, you have become very dear to Him, so unknowingly you have done, committed sin—excused. Bhajataḥ priyasya. This word is used. You must have to become very dear to Him. Then if you accidentally commit some sin, that is excused.

Guru dāsa: What does "unknowingly" mean, Śrīla...

Prabhupāda: Unknowingly means..., suppose you are a smoker. So now you have given up everything. But in the association of some smoker you incline, "All right, let me smoke." Then you regret, "Oh, I have done this." It can happen. So that is excused. But if you think, "Now I am a devotee of Kṛṣṇa. I can smoke like anything, and everything will be excused," then you are a rascal.

Ātreya Ṛṣi: Also, Śrīla Prabhupāda, we are knowing that we are so sinful and we're so rascals, but having the opportunity of association of pure devotee and Kṛṣṇa, that's also mercy...

Prabhupāda: Yes. Yes, yes.

Ātreya Ṛṣi: Because we can see that we are..., our hearts are not clean, and we are constantly thinking of māyā...

Prabhupāda: Education, education.

Garden Conversation -- June 8, 1976, Los Angeles:

Hṛdayānanda:

na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu

kaścin me priya-kṛttamaḥ

bhavitā na ca me tasmād

anyaḥ priyataro bhuvi

(BG 18.69)

"There is no servant in this world more dear to Me than he, nor will there ever be one more dear."

Prabhupāda: Who? Who delivers this message of Kṛṣṇa consciousness. So if from the government some very confidential secretary comes, you have to receive him just like the president, to please him. So this is the qualification of spiritual master, that he delivers things at it is. He does not make any adulteration. Then he is real representative, and he is to be accepted as God Himself. That is the process. Because here it is said na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu (BG 18.69). You have got a son, and if I love the son.... There is an English word: "If you love me, love my dog." So the spiritual master is dog-God. He's dog of God, therefore he's dog-God. He's to be worshiped. He's the pet dog of God. Therefore if you love the dog, you love God. Spiritual master will not claim that "I am God," but it is our duty, because the dog is pet.... Here it is said, na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu (BG 18.69). You have to love that dog. Then you'll get perfection. This is the secret.

Meeting With Member of Parliament, Mr. Krishna Modi -- August 31, 1976, Delhi:

Prabhupāda: No, our mission is that this Kṛṣṇa cult should be preached all over the world. That is the... Bhagavad-gītā, (indistinct) Find out this verse, ya idaṁ paramaṁ guhyaṁ mad-bhakteṣv abhidhāsyati (Bg 18.68). Na ca tasmān manuṣyeṣu kaścin me priya-kṛttamaḥ (BG 18.69).

Hari-śauri: Is that the one, "There's no one more dear to me than..."

Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: Even in black Africa Prabhupāda has temples.

Krishna Modi: Yes, that is good.

Prabhupāda: Hmm?

Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: I said even in black Africa you have temples and devotees.

Prabhupāda: Yes.

Krishna Modi: You must circulate these all things. At least to our members.

Prabhupāda: Read it.

Lokanātha: Where is the verse?

Prabhupāda: Why don't you print the opinions? Several times...

Gopāla Kṛṣṇa: We have printed.

1977 Conversations and Morning Walks

Morning Conversation -- April 23, 1977, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: He has given very good reasoning.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Everything is reasonable. But so were your reasons. Just like when you met with the reporter from Los Angeles Times, I remember last year... When this question comes up they, inside they are laughing. When they hear our opinion they think it is a joke. They cannot conceive that the whole thing could be a hoax. We were discussing that actually, that the nation is more dear to most people than their family is, because one will get divorced from his family, but who will give up citizenship? Very rarely does anyone give up his citizenship. But people divorce again and again. So to... The nation is something very strong, that affection, and nation, in America, means this moon shot, all of these things, the truthfulness of the leaders. So this is too shocking. Probably the American people could not swallow it.

Prabhupāda: Yes. (indistinct) Lie.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Right. Why no other newspaper carried the story?

Prabhupāda: It is only because I disbelieved, he disagreed. (referring to Puruṣottama?) He disagreed with me from that moment. He thought me foolish that I do not believe scientific research.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: That was in London, I think. I remember.

Prabhupāda: He was a good boy, very good boy. Only for this reason he left. The whole institution he left. Where he is now?

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: We have not heard from him. Last time he was staying with St. Paul.

Conversation -- July 1, 1977, Vrndavana:

Prabhupāda: But whatever they're doing, simply by training, that there may be some...

Mr. Myer: Yes. We can develop some sort of training program. The gurukula facilities are there. So if some young men are taken who are trained in that fashion, they could do quite a lot. And then we are having major problem in the distribution of some of the literature. You see, Back to Godhead seems to be a very powerful magazine. It has always been very dear to you. You started this even in India. Unfortunately it comes one year late, and we have about several thousand members in India. So I was wondering whether we should try to publish it in India now, because the quantity is not enough. And then have some members who are subscribing for the Back to Godhead... Because some people are unable to afford the very large membership. Otherwise we will remain very exclusive. We won't be able to reach the common man. So one of the things is that each man who comes into the temple, if he can buy a copy of Back to Godhead magazine, he takes away something with him which he can remember. Otherwise people come to Mathurā, they visit so many temples, and they don't carry any souvenir.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: But we're selling our literature here.

Mr. Myer: Yeah, but that's very old. Some of the copies are very old.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: But they don't know that when they buy it.

Mr. Myer: And secondly, that doesn't cover much of the activity in India.

Prabhupāda: There is no "old." By date it does not become old.

Room Conversation about Mayapura Attack Talk with Vrindavan De -- July 8, 1977, Vrndavana:

Prabhupāda: Restrict, that instead of myself, he has to restrict: "Do this way."

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Including go to the court. This boy writes further. He says, "They claimed I was brainwashed by Śrīla Prabhupāda and the devotees, and they were here to get me to think for myself again. They kept me up for ten hours at a time for so-called deprogramming, just blaspheming Śrīla Prabhupāda and Kṛṣṇa and telling lie after lie. Finally they let me go to sleep, and in the morning it was time for more blaspheming and lies. But by Kṛṣṇa's mercy I was able to escape out the front door of the house," he says, "which was unguarded. I ran down my block barefoot and was able to get to my friend's house. I told him the story. He gave me enough money to get to a nearby temple. There I served Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa and had the association of my Godbrothers, who are most dear to me. There I spent the happiest time of my life as a devotee with the association of the Brajabāsīs. Being a devotee of Lord Śrī Kṛṣṇa, there's nothing like it-singing, dancing, taking prasādam, being happy and free from anxiety all the time. It is just a blissful life. All Kṛṣṇa wants is for us to be happy with Him. I called my parents and told them that I was doing fine and that I had even gained seven pounds in weight. They had the police looking for me all over the place in only a minute, and they finally showed up. Mahārāja felt it was best that I go back and clear things up with my parents and with their consent come back. But they refused to let me go, and instead put me through a one-month deprogramming session.