Quarrel between husband and wife

Expressions researched:
"quarrel between husband and wife"

Bhagavad-gita As It Is Lectures

Even trifle cases, quarrel between husband and wife, and there is divorce. Because that unity is not very strong now.

Lecture on BG 1.28-29 -- London, July 22, 1973: Two things required in human life: knowledge and vairāgya, detachment. The attachment increases. First of all, it increases. Puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etam [SB 5.5.8]. This whole world is based on sex life. A man has got attraction for woman; a woman has got attraction for man. This is nature's bondage. Shackle. And when they are actually united, either by the father, mother, or by their own way, that shackle, that attraction, increases. Puṁsaḥ striyā mithunī-bhāvam etaṁ tayor mitho hṛdaya-granthim āhuḥ. Hṛdaya-granthim. Knot in the heart. "She is my wife." "He is my husband." Of course, now that knot is very slack. Formerly it was very strong because the woman was not allowed to mix with any other man, and the man was also not allowed with any other woman. This intermingling has slackened even that knot, hṛdaya-granthim. Therefore, even trifle cases, quarrel between husband and wife, there is divorce. Because that unity is not very strong now.

"War between husband and wife..." These things are to be taken as insignificant. So, of course, in India the quarrel between husband and wife, nobody cares. Nobody takes very seriously.

Lecture on BG 6.32-40 -- New York, September 14, 1966: Bambhārambhe laghu-kriyā. Aja-yuddhe, fighting between two goats... Now, they are very serious about fighting, and somebody comes, (claps) does like this, (claps), and they go away. The fighting stops. You see? So bambhārambhe, the attempt is very great, but the effect is little. Aja-yuddhe muni-śrāddhe: "And a ceremony observed by some sages in the jungle..." What they have got? They have got some leaves and flowers. That's all. What arrangement will be made? And prabhāte megha-ḍambare: "And in the morning, thundering sound of the cloud..." And similarly, dam-pate kalahe, I mean to say, "war between husband and wife..." So these things are to be taken as insignificant. So, of course, in India the quarrel between husband and wife, nobody cares. Nobody takes very seriously. The husband may complain, the wife may complain. Everyone says, "Yes, yes. That's all right. It will be all right." They never go to court for divorce. You see? But it is... There is no seriousness. And actually it is fact. I have seen a serious. They are divorced, but still, the husband is anxious for the wife, and the wife is anxious for the husband. The divorce is artificial. The husband and wife, the combination, that cannot be cut off. So one should tolerate these things. If there is some misunderstanding, they should not go to the court for divorce. They should tolerate. These are some of the rules for spiritual advancement.

Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures

Fight between or quarrel between husband and wife. In India, there is no question of divorce. So nobody takes very serious care when there is fight between husband and wife.

Lecture on SB 5.5.3 -- Stockholm, September 9, 1973: Have you seen, experienced? Goats and lambs, they'll fight: (makes sound:) "Onh, onnh." Like this. But, but as soon somebody comes: "Hut!" So this is one of the example of bahvārambhe laghu kriyā. Ārambha, as if something very serious going to happen. But actually it is nonsignificant. Ajā yuddhe muni śrāddhe. Muni, in the jungle, in the forest, there are munis. So they are arranging for some festivals to offer oblations to the forefathers, śrāddha. So what they have got? They have got some fruits and leaves. That's all. So the arrangement may be that "Tomorrow, we are going to have this festival." But the festival means some leaves and some water. That's all. No utensils, no gold, no jewels, nothing of the sort. So this is another bahvārambhe laghu kriyā. Arrangement is very big, but fact is nothing. And dāmpatya kalahe caiva. And fight between or quarrel between husband and wife. In India, there is no question of divorce. So nobody takes very serious care when there is fight between husband and wife. So there also: "I'm going to immediately leave you, going to kill you..." and so many things. But after an hour, everything is finished. No more quarrel. Dāmpatya kalahe caiva prabhāte megha-garjane. And in the morning, if you see big cloud assembly and thundering sound, but you rest assured. There will be no rain in the morning. So these things are bahvārambhe laghu kriyā. Ārambha, beginning is very gorgeous. But end is nothing. So that is not good, bahvārambhe laghu kriyā.

1974 Conversations and Morning Walks

Cāṇakya Paṇḍita has said, "Neglect this fighting. Don't take it seriously." Quarrel between husband and wife should not be taken seriously. Let them fight. It will stop automatically.

Morning Walk -- March 27, 1974, Bombay:

Prabhupāda: ...quarrel, my wife never thought of any other man; neither I thought of any other woman.

Dr. Patel: Why? Because of the background.

Prabhupāda: Although we fought, but there was no such thing. [break] Fighting is natural. This is fight of love. This is not fight... Therefore Cāṇakya Paṇḍita has said, "Neglect this fighting. Don't take it seriously." Dam-patye kalahe bambhārambhe laghu kriyā (?). This should not be... Quarrel between husband and wife should not be taken seriously. Let them fight. It will stop automatically. That's all.

1977 Conversations and Morning Walks

Where there is no quarrel between husband and wife, all fortune will come there automatically. You haven't got to pray. You should not give unnecessarily honor to rascals, and you should keep your food grains very nicely, and don't quarrel, husband and wife. Then you become fortunate.

Conversation: "How to Secure Brahmacaris" -- June 24, 1977, Vrndavana:

Prabhupāda: Cāṇakya Paṇḍita has given all in his moral instructions. He said, mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante: "Where rascals are not worshiped..." But at the present moment rascals are worshiped. And he says. He was experienced politician. He said, mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante dhānyaṁ yatra susañcitam. "In the society where rascals are not worshiped and food grains are properly stocked..." Mūrkhā yatra na pūjyante dhānyaṁ yatra susañcitam... Another... Dampatyo kalaho nāsti: "And where there is no quarrel between husband and wife," tatra śrīḥ svayam āgatāḥ, "all fortune will come there automatically." Svayam āgatāḥ. You haven't got to pray, "Mother Lakṣmī, please come to my house." She'll come. Three things wanted. You should not give unnecessarily honor to rascals, and you should keep your food grains very nicely, and don't quarrel, husband and wife. Then you become fortunate. Just see. Check how these instructions are there.

Tamāla Kṛṣṇa: Nowadays none of those three are available. There is divorce, there is shortage of food, and all rascals are worshiped.

Prabhupāda: That's it. If there is no quarrel between husband and wife, you can be happy underneath a tree. You know Nala-Damayanti?

1971 Correspondence

According to Vedic system, disagreement or quarrel between husband and wife should never be taken very seriously.

Letter to Sudama -- Surat 1 January, 1971: Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated December 22nd, 1970, and I am sorry to learn that although you are so sober you have been disturbed by your married life.

Married life does not mean that there will be no disagreement between husband and wife—that is a custom from time immemorial. According to Vedic system, disagreement or quarrel between husband and wife should never be taken very seriously. The Vedic system therefore gives a concession for the wife to separate from her husband for some time and go to her father's house. So Cintamani may come to me for some time, but you cannot deviate from your responsibility in Japan. If so desired, Karatieya Maharaja and Bruce can go immediately to help you, so arrange for their passage and I shall send them back. I think Bruce has got his return ticket.

Do not be diminished in your enthusiasm. You should always think of yourself that you are sold to Krsna as slave and that is the only way to get relief of the slavery of Maya. I hope you will understand me rightly and do the needful. May Krsna help you always.